Engaging to my new hobby

Dear Lao gong

Sad to say .. i still engaged to my new hobby .. tat is crying .. it's so hard to put it down and let u go .. I guess i can never do that .. maybe 10 yrs down the road, i will still cry when i think of u .. how lovely u r .. how good u have treated me .. how much love u have given me . I will never forget all the precious moments we had .. I am thinking, what will run through a dying person's mind? At the very last moment, what will they be thinking? Or rather.. what have u thought of during the very very last moment when u breathe your last breath and when ur heart beat for the last time .. did u think of me and Bella ? Do u feel sad to leave us ? Have u struggled and trying your best to stay alive for us ?

I've been quite busy this week, visiting my aunt in the hospital .. she has been transferred to Mount Elizabeth hospital, with better health equipment at the ICU .. she is still so weak .. still felt breathless, needed oxygen mask to keep her alive .. Yesterday when i went to visit her, even though she was very weak she still asked me how is bella and ask me to take care of myself .. She was really a kind lady, even she is so sick, she still showed so much care and concern for me and Bella. She really helped us a lot. I know u knew that. If u r up there in heaven, please help to protect her, i want her to get well soon. It really breaks my heart to see her lying on the bed looking so weak. Yesterday she wrote me a note , she asked me to ask my brother, who is a pharmacist, what exactly is her illness, can her illness be cured .. she asked me to tell her honestly cos' she need to prepare herself. When i read the note, tears nearly fall down from my cheeks. I told myself i can't cry.. i shouldn't cry in front of her.. instead i should give her the support that i can give. I told her that my brother asked her not to worry, cos' it is not a incurable problem, it's just that doctor still need to do some tests.. i assured her and asked her not to think too much. However, she is still not quite convinced, cos' she wrote another note to me telling me said why does she still need the oxygen support .. and she will die if there is no oxygen supply. I really don't know how to answer her cos' i was really scared to make her worry if i said the wrong stuff. I keep telling her not to worry cos' it's only a temporary thing..

I went to the Public Trustee this afternoon, to settle some of your motorbike claims stuff .. it's at Maxwell road.. nearly lost my way there .. been walking for so long till my feet got blistered .. so painful .. i forgotten that i got 2 big holes at the back of my feet and when i bathe just now, it was super pain when my bodywash got into my skin .. ouch ! .. luckily i planned to go there earlier , if not, i'll be late for my appointment .. I really wished u were here with me now, to help me to put plaster on my wound ..

Lao gong, Bella is going to be 2 months old .. she can recognise people already. Whenever i called her, she will  look straight at me and smiled this gorgeous all-gums grin, she is so cute.. How nice if u were here with me.. I
know u will be the happiest daddy in the world .. Please always remember that Bella and I will always miss u ..
I'll be going to visit u this friday, together with May and 2 of ur ex classmates .. Ur classmates said that they wanted to pay respect to u cos' they only just found out what happened... I guess, life is really just too unpredictable .. i really don't understand why misfortunate things always happen to nice people .. that's really too unfair . Is there any fairness in this world ??

My mood is getting better.. at least a little better than a month ago .. I must say a big thank u to all my friends and relatives who keep for their accompaniment and their concern .. without them, i wouldn't have survive till now. Even though sometimes i'm out enjoying myself with my friends, enjoying food and drinks.. part of me still feel sad.. I feel sad because i can't do all these things with u .. Although i looked happy from the outside, but in my heart, I will always think of u when i laugh .. I really hope that we can sit together, have a good chat and laugh together. Things will never be the same without u .. i will always love u.. u r the most wonderful person I've ever met in my life ..