"see open"

Dear lao gong

Worked half shift today.. was on morning shift.. after work i brought dinner home for aunt and myself .. Bella's timetable is pretty routine now. Wakes up at 5.30am , drinks her milk at 6am , wash up at 7am , cartoon on tv from 7.30am , morning nap at 8.30am , wakes at 10am , porridge at 11am , playtime at 11.30am , afternoon nap from 1 to 3pm , bathe at 3.30pm , milk at 4pm , play till 6.30pm then have her milk again, sleeps at 7.30pm till the next morning .. Very active and noisy . She loves the crowd. And she loves shopping. Sometimes i will bring her or drive her to the nearby shopping malls for walk and dinners. She really enjoys going out . And she will smile to anyone who smiles at her.

Yesterday when i met up with May to visit u , she asked me whether would i remarry if i meet another right guy in the future. Well, i've already told myself i won't marry again and i wouldn't want to find another boyfriend. I only have u in my heart.. She also ask me whether do i still feel as sad as before. Scars are still scars. It still hurts .. I still cry whenever i think of u and whenever i look at your photos. I need more time .. I still have Bella ..

Hmm... trying my best to "see open" now.. yesterday when we were walking around at the cemetery .. we saw a 2 year old little boy's grave. He passed away about a month ago. And just nice when we were about to leave, there is this old man and a young woman who came to visit the little boy. I nearly broke down in tears when i saw the old man , looking at the little boy's photo , and talking to him while the young woman is arranging the toys and the flowers on the grass patch.. It must be real hard to lose this cute little boy ...

Last saturday evening when i was back from work around 10pm, someone has passed away at the block opposite my place cos' there were people busy setting up the wake at the void deck.. The next morning , i found out from my aunt that the person is a uncle that she knew living opposite our block. She said that this uncle just fetched his wife to work in the morning on the day before he passed away .. and in the late afternoon, he has a heart attack and passed away in the hospital. I have walked passed a few times at the wake for the past few days ... i always hear his wife crying beside him .. Today was  his funeral .. whole family must be devastated for the sudden loss of this kind man ..

I think i've started to "see open" .. tat life is indeed fragile.. Doesn't mean u need to fall sick to die .. U can die anytime anyday at any moment .. It is real scary .. Not scary to die , but scary to see our love ones crying and feeling heartbroken for the lost. I've learnt a lot .. learn to cherish every moment i have with my family and friends , learn not waste any time , learn to do whatever things that i want to do ... I don't want to have any regrets in my life , or at least to the minimum..

Freaking tired !!

Dear lao gong

Seems that time is not enough for me everyday .. every seconds, minutes and hours passes by so quickly .. sorry for not writing for so long . I've been real busy with work and Bella everyday. I'm feeling real tired too .. Have been working for 36 hours for the past 3 days. Finally off today. Hmm.. really not sure whether am i getting old or i'm just too busy with my life. I can really feel the tiredness in me.. Everyday i have to wake up around 5 plus in the morning no matter how late i slept the night before as Bella will be awake at 5.30am without fail.. During days when i'm not working or when i worked half shifts, i will be taking over the job from my aunt to take care of Bella so that she can get some rest. I'm not complaining, i really enjoyed my times with Bella whenever i'm with her. I just feel that time is passing so fast. U were gone for more than 9 months and Bella is turning 10 months soon.

Finally got the time to visit u after so long. This morning, May and I went to visit u .. I've cleared up the discoloured flowers for u. I've chatted with u for a while, hope u can hear what i said. I've also found a little card at your tomb. It was wrapped with a plastic wrapper. At first, i thought it was a piece of rubbish. When i picked up and took a closer look, i saw "for vincent's wife". The card was pretty damage . Must be there for quite sometime. When i opened the plastic wrapper to see what's the note inside, the envelope was torn as it was wet. Really not sure who is the person who wrote this note for me. It must be a friend of yours. Whoever he or she is, I wanted to say thank you to him or her for the encouragement. Here's the card that i've found

I haven't been visiting mother for the past 2 weeks as i was working on Sundays and other days she was not free. However, i did call her sometimes to talk to her and check whether she is alright. Mother has been feeling real remorsely recently. She told me that she regretted not bringing u to church when u r young . She said she should make it a habit so that as u grow older, u will visit the church every weekend. She keeps thinking that it's her fault now cos' she believes a lot in God. She felt that God might be able to save you from this accident if u were to stay devoted to him. I kept telling mother that it's not her fault. Everything is fated. We have no control over fate. We gotta learn to accept what it is now.. I know it easy to say than done. Mother is still staying strong, and i really salute her for her braveness. Mother told me that she will be going for a day tour this coming sunday with her church friends. It's good to see her hanging out with friends when she's free cos' she really worries me if she stays home during the weekend and keeps thinking about u.

"Trying my best to survive" is the thing i gotta do now . It's not for any other people but just for the sake of Bella. I envy u so much .. Now living in the world free from pain and worries. How i wish i can join u ... But for Bella, i can't. And i'm sure u doesn't want me to join u either. I hope that u will wait for me .. when the time is right, please wait for me at the other side of the world.. U r the only one that i want to meet after i breath my last breathe..

It's Mother's day !

Dear lao gong

Mother's day today!! and i've been working like a freaking mad dog for the whole day. Super tired! Reached home at 10pm yesterday after work and worked for 14 long hours today ... and this is how i celebrated my first mother's day as a MOTHER . pretty pathetic , am i ?

Anyway , it's the general election yesterday .. as predicted .. PAP still won most votes.. however, the winning margin is not that great between the opposition. Finally it's over after more than a week of non stop actions of the different parties and it's seen on tv, newspaper, radio, youtube and facebook ! it's really freaking me out!! If u were around, who would u vote for? Anyway , the workers party at your place still hold his post .. no longer Mr Lau .. it's replaced by another one .. still pretty popular among the residents. I felt really sad that Mr George Yeo didn't manage to win the votes and Mr Chiam loses his homeground and his GRC. Hope they can win back their position in the next election.. All the best to both of them!

Finally off tomorrow ! Life is pretty hectic for me. I guess i really need a break. Life is so different now as compared to the past. How i wish u will be around.. to talk to me, listen to my complains and give me a nice warm hug .. Where were u when i needed u the most?

It's our 1 year wedding anniversary

Dear lao gong

Last year, on this day, 2nd May 2010, is the day we exchange our vows in front of our families, relatives and friends. How time flies .. One year has gone... Still remember we've been so busy organising our wedding events and the photo shoots... After our wedding lunch is over, we felt tired yet we were both filled with  happiness.. I can see how happy u r .. U never stop smiling ..

Feels like shit today when i wake up in the morning. Feeling so sad to know that u r no longer by my side to celebrate our yearly affair.. Everybody understands my sadness, but they wouldn't know exactly how hurtful it is. I really feels like driving down to the cemetery today to keep u company , but i know that i can't stop crying the moment i stand in front of u . I don't want u to see me crying and feeling so down cos' today is supposed to be a happy day for our family ..

It's my off day today and it's also a replacement public holiday today .. If u were around, we should be spending time celebrating this special day . Felt extremely sad to the core today .. U were  not by my side anymore .. and God , didn't give us a chance to celebrate our first year wedding anniversary. Where are you? Do u still remember this day?

Our little angel is 9 months old today .. So cute and pretty . Bella loves shopping .. Whenever i'm free during my off days, i will bring her out to shopping malls and meals. She's now learning now to crawl and balancing herself in sitting position. I've bought her a bikini and a float .. intending to bring her to the swimming pool soon ..

Bella misses daddy .. Here's her pictures for u ..
Happy anniversary my love...

7 months old Bella

8 months baby ..

so cute .. isn't she ??