Bella is one month old ..

Dear lao gong

Today is 2nd september, Bella is one month old.!! I can imagine how happy u will be. I'm sure if u r still around, u will take leave today and bring both of us out to celebrate this happy occasion .. "to our darling bella, happy one month old, daddy and mummy love u always" .. I should feel happy too.. To tell u the truth, i'm feeling extremely sad today.. The moment i wake up this morning, tears flow.. i can't stop crying.I do not want my mum or aunt to know that i've been crying.. i do not want them to feel sad for me...   i hide myself in the bathroom so that they won't know. I couldn't control my emotions today, i thought i've been doing quite a good job this week .. but i feel very tough to control it today, really not sure what is happening to me. Even now, i'm sitting in my room writing this blog, tears just won't stop. I really wish u r here with me now.. i can picture ur smile and i can feel ur happiness.. I know it's a wish that can never come true.

I really hope that u r here..celebrating with me. I really wish that accident didn't happen. We used to be a happy family togther, no matter wat problems we have and how tough it is, we will pull through.. Now i'm alone with bella, i'm really not sure whether i can do all these by myself. It's so hard. People always say all problems can be solved.. I got to be brave.. I'm trying, and i will keep on trying. I know u wouldn't want be to fall either..

It's day 18 since u left.. I'm already feeling so damn tired.. I really don't know how long i go on.. I really wish that i can hug u tight and cry on ur shoulder.. I know it's not ur fault for leaving us so early and i don't blame u. I guess it's all God's wish. Hope that God can give me the strength to move on..

Last night i have this weird dream about u .. I dreamt that u were lying in a coffin and there were people taking u away with the coffin .. It's a nightmare .. so scary .. i woke up in the middle of the night..i went back to sleep and have the same dream again.. what's happening? I feel so helpless.. where r they taking u to? can someone please help..

It's gonna be 11am.. i got to feed bella and get her ready to go back to your house,, i will try my very best to hold back my tears..Bella wants to say "love u daddy".