Dear lao gong
As usual , today i brought Bella over to mother's place.. Bought some prawns and chicken wings for her to cook cos' it's not very nice for her to buy food and to prepare for me every week.. So today we had fried noodles, chicken wings and prawns for lunch. Fried chicken wings and prawns are your all time favourite dish prepared by mother, so are mine. When u were around, we will always fight for chicken wings and prawns just like small kids. But in the end, u will let me have more and put those in my plates. Today 3rd brother came by with his daugher Nica. They played and talked to Bella.
Bella starts to recognise people and places. Whenever me and aunt is not around, she will cry looking for us. When we are nearby , she will feel comfortable and won't cry . Bella is learning how to turn her body when she lies down .. she has been practicing hard & trying to turn her body to the side when she lies down. So now, we must pay special attention to her if not she will turn her body backwards and injured herself.. This morning, Bella let out a loud laugh when i talked to her .. she keeps laughing and making the 'hahaha' sound. It is the first time she made this 'hahaha' sound cos' usually she will just laugh and open her mouth, without making any noise. She's really cute. If u can see her from up above, u will surely be so happy..
Mother put up lots of your pictures in our room. She told me that she will sit in our room everyday, looking at your photographs and talking to u. I can still feel that she is very sad. I feel so sad for her too .. to lose a good son is just too heartbroken.. She keep on repeating and telling me that she has watch u grow up and take care of u for 32 years, but without any illnesses or sickness, u just left us without saying a word. She told me that she can't get to sleep at night cos' she still can't take it that u r not around anymore. It is really sad to hear her telling me these things .
Mother told me that she was very tired , especially she still needs to work at this age. I've advised her not to work full time but maybe take up a part time job. But she said she can't. She told me that she needs the money to pay for her house and the bills. She told me that she is not sure when will she not able to work, but she will work till she can't work anymore. As she is a cook in the company, everyday she will need to cook for about 10 to 12 people in the company .. She said that everyday she needs to go to the market in the morning before work. She told me that everyday she will stress over what food to prepare for them. She is afraid that if she cooked repeated dishes, the people in the company might not like it. Every saturday, 2nd brother and his family will be at her place for dinner , she said that she will stress over what to cook for them too .. I've told her that if she is too tired, she can ask 2nd brother to bring her out for dinners so that she won't need to be so stressful over the weekend. But she said homecook meals are healthier, especially for 2nd brother's sons.
Mother's love is always the greatest. She will do what it takes for her own children. No matter how difficult life is, she will pull through. I know it's never easy for her to raise up 4 boys by herself and u never hear any complains from her. At this age, she should be enjoying her life , but instead , she is grieving over the loss of her youngest son. Lao gong, i will try my best to take care of mother as much as i can. I really hope she can pull through this very difficult moment that she is having now. She is a good mother and i believe God will give her the strength..
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Eve of Halloween
Dear lao gong
It's saturday today. Eve of Halloween. I guess if u r around, we will be preparing to go out for a Halloween countdown party at night. Really missed the time we have fun and the great parties. My parties will never be the same without u. I really enjoyed the days where we go for drinks in pubs and clubs and party all night long. It just feels so different without u.
Been having very bad backaches lately. Must be because of the long period of carrying Bella and bending down to change diapers. I can still feel a sharp pain at my lower back where i had my epidural when i bend down to do things. Not sure whether is the side effect .. should be nothing so serious.
Nov 2nd is All Souls' Day. All Souls' Day commemorates the faithful departed. From my knowledge, this day should be like a sort of QingMing Festival but in a Christianity way. I will be going to the cemetery to pay u a visit and do some prayers.
I am feeling so sad today. Just got to know from your friend last night through facebook that your colleague , Kenny Chong, is at ICU now. According to him, he has been in coma for a week and he needs the life supporting machine. I read from his wallpost that the doctor asked his families to prepare themselves. Kenny has been coughing for 3 months and it gets so serious that his lungs collapse. I don't know who is Kenny and i never met him before. But he has showed support and encouraged me when u left us. I do not wish that he will join u in heaven so soon. He is still young, same age as me, i am sure he has so many uncompleted missions in his life. If u are with God, please tell him to make Kenny get well soon.
So many incidents happening around me .. i really know how fragile life is. I always take it for granted , especially the people around me. I always think that they are still young and won't leave me so soon. I have understood so many things since u were gone. I won't take things for granted now. People always say "Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that's why it's call Present". Yeah it's true.. and we will never know what will happen tomorrow.. Just like u .. i don't think u know what happened to u on 16 aug when u left me the night before.
Last night, i read through some of the posts that your friends and colleagues have posted on their walls the day u left everyone. I can feel the sadness in them. They were so sad to lose a friend, a buddy, a brother, a mentor and a family. Everyone was so affected by ur loss. I cried. The messages were just so sad. But since more than 2 months has passed, they should be feeling much better and getting on with their lives. I guess life still has to go on without u. It's easy to say than done. We are so used to seeing u almost everyday , doing all the routine stuff. Without u around, things were just so different and so empty .
I've edited our baby's photo using a web application.. hope u like it ..
Here's something nice for u which i've came across somewhere :
It's saturday today. Eve of Halloween. I guess if u r around, we will be preparing to go out for a Halloween countdown party at night. Really missed the time we have fun and the great parties. My parties will never be the same without u. I really enjoyed the days where we go for drinks in pubs and clubs and party all night long. It just feels so different without u.
Been having very bad backaches lately. Must be because of the long period of carrying Bella and bending down to change diapers. I can still feel a sharp pain at my lower back where i had my epidural when i bend down to do things. Not sure whether is the side effect .. should be nothing so serious.
Nov 2nd is All Souls' Day. All Souls' Day commemorates the faithful departed. From my knowledge, this day should be like a sort of QingMing Festival but in a Christianity way. I will be going to the cemetery to pay u a visit and do some prayers.
I am feeling so sad today. Just got to know from your friend last night through facebook that your colleague , Kenny Chong, is at ICU now. According to him, he has been in coma for a week and he needs the life supporting machine. I read from his wallpost that the doctor asked his families to prepare themselves. Kenny has been coughing for 3 months and it gets so serious that his lungs collapse. I don't know who is Kenny and i never met him before. But he has showed support and encouraged me when u left us. I do not wish that he will join u in heaven so soon. He is still young, same age as me, i am sure he has so many uncompleted missions in his life. If u are with God, please tell him to make Kenny get well soon.
So many incidents happening around me .. i really know how fragile life is. I always take it for granted , especially the people around me. I always think that they are still young and won't leave me so soon. I have understood so many things since u were gone. I won't take things for granted now. People always say "Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that's why it's call Present". Yeah it's true.. and we will never know what will happen tomorrow.. Just like u .. i don't think u know what happened to u on 16 aug when u left me the night before.
Last night, i read through some of the posts that your friends and colleagues have posted on their walls the day u left everyone. I can feel the sadness in them. They were so sad to lose a friend, a buddy, a brother, a mentor and a family. Everyone was so affected by ur loss. I cried. The messages were just so sad. But since more than 2 months has passed, they should be feeling much better and getting on with their lives. I guess life still has to go on without u. It's easy to say than done. We are so used to seeing u almost everyday , doing all the routine stuff. Without u around, things were just so different and so empty .
I've edited our baby's photo using a web application.. hope u like it ..
Here's something nice for u which i've came across somewhere :
Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.
From now on, you'll never be alone; even when death itself parts us, I shall remain with you.
From now on, you'll never be alone; even when death itself parts us, I shall remain with you.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Learning..
Dear lao gong
Yesterday I went down to SSDC to register myself as a student there to learn driving.. Need to finish up 25 lessons , per lesson is 2hrs at $71 .. Did some calculations .. total will add up to about $2k plus those additional charges for the necessary tests. Hmm.. pretty expensive. Think these few months i must really save up so that i can complete the course on time. I really have no confidence in driving, but i will try my best and hope that i can do it. I thought of just learning auto cars, but buddy said that learning manual is more useful , at least i can drive both manual and auto car .. so i go for manual driving lessons instead.
I know u always wanted me to learning driving. I am doing that for u and for Bella's sake. If i have licence, I will be able to drive Bella around without having to trouble others or take long time to wait for taxis.. In the past i always tell u that learning driving is just too expensive. I would rather save up the money and used them for tours. Now, without u around, i have no one to depend on but myself. If i get the driving license , i will be able to drive Bella around. My mum has a car which she always park at home and seldom use .. I can always borrow her car to bring Bella out. That's what we did too after u sold your car. We will borrow from mum to go for outings as bike is too dangerous for me during the time i was pregnant..
A lot of friends ask me whether do i still miss u and think of u after more than 2 months since u were gone. Yup of course i do. Even though i look normal whenever i hangout with my friends and i don't show my emotions out, doesn't mean i have already let go of u. Maybe i can handle and controls my feelings better now. To control my emotions and not showing to my friends and families are really not easy tasks. I still misses u as much, especially when i see happy families and loving couples around . Just so envy them .. i always wonder why i can't have happy moments at all ..
I've cancelled ur 96904866 mobile number. All the other surcharges are waived off by singtel after submitting your death cert. By cancelling ur mobile number means that your voice in the voicemail is gone too. But luckily i still have video that u took of me, with your voice at the background. I really missed your voice .. U always talk to me in such a gentle way that i will never forget..
Last night i went down to see the MP as every thursday is the meet and greet people session at my area here.. I've wanted to ask the MP for help as HDB wouldn't grant me the Additional Housing Grant of about $30k for our new flat. Even though i wrote in to appeal to HDB, but still in vain. MP wasn't around last night, but i've informed the Grassroots volunteers about my problem. They said they will help to write a letter to HDB and asked me to wait for their reply. Hmm.. really hope that HDB is able to grant this AHG thingy so that i won't need to pay so much every month.
HDB has also sent me a letter of appointment and asked me to go down on 15 nov to sign the housing lease. I need to pay 5% down payment for the house plus stamp fees .. Total will add up to about $18k ... Just checked my CPF account, should have enough for them to deduct from my CPF account.. Then when the house is ready, i will need to pay another 5% ..
Our baby .. today .. 2mths and 27 days old ..
Yesterday I went down to SSDC to register myself as a student there to learn driving.. Need to finish up 25 lessons , per lesson is 2hrs at $71 .. Did some calculations .. total will add up to about $2k plus those additional charges for the necessary tests. Hmm.. pretty expensive. Think these few months i must really save up so that i can complete the course on time. I really have no confidence in driving, but i will try my best and hope that i can do it. I thought of just learning auto cars, but buddy said that learning manual is more useful , at least i can drive both manual and auto car .. so i go for manual driving lessons instead.
I know u always wanted me to learning driving. I am doing that for u and for Bella's sake. If i have licence, I will be able to drive Bella around without having to trouble others or take long time to wait for taxis.. In the past i always tell u that learning driving is just too expensive. I would rather save up the money and used them for tours. Now, without u around, i have no one to depend on but myself. If i get the driving license , i will be able to drive Bella around. My mum has a car which she always park at home and seldom use .. I can always borrow her car to bring Bella out. That's what we did too after u sold your car. We will borrow from mum to go for outings as bike is too dangerous for me during the time i was pregnant..
A lot of friends ask me whether do i still miss u and think of u after more than 2 months since u were gone. Yup of course i do. Even though i look normal whenever i hangout with my friends and i don't show my emotions out, doesn't mean i have already let go of u. Maybe i can handle and controls my feelings better now. To control my emotions and not showing to my friends and families are really not easy tasks. I still misses u as much, especially when i see happy families and loving couples around . Just so envy them .. i always wonder why i can't have happy moments at all ..
I've cancelled ur 96904866 mobile number. All the other surcharges are waived off by singtel after submitting your death cert. By cancelling ur mobile number means that your voice in the voicemail is gone too. But luckily i still have video that u took of me, with your voice at the background. I really missed your voice .. U always talk to me in such a gentle way that i will never forget..
Last night i went down to see the MP as every thursday is the meet and greet people session at my area here.. I've wanted to ask the MP for help as HDB wouldn't grant me the Additional Housing Grant of about $30k for our new flat. Even though i wrote in to appeal to HDB, but still in vain. MP wasn't around last night, but i've informed the Grassroots volunteers about my problem. They said they will help to write a letter to HDB and asked me to wait for their reply. Hmm.. really hope that HDB is able to grant this AHG thingy so that i won't need to pay so much every month.
HDB has also sent me a letter of appointment and asked me to go down on 15 nov to sign the housing lease. I need to pay 5% down payment for the house plus stamp fees .. Total will add up to about $18k ... Just checked my CPF account, should have enough for them to deduct from my CPF account.. Then when the house is ready, i will need to pay another 5% ..
Our baby .. today .. 2mths and 27 days old ..
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| trying to look cool ? |
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| very blur look .. |
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| sticking out her tongue (just learnt from me) |
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| sleepy ... |
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
So Abnormal
Dear lao gong
Till now, i still feel that life is so 'abnormal' without u. Maybe i'm too used to seeing u and talking to u everyday. I am , also too used to depending on u on almost everything. We talked about everything.. about work, personal life , friends , families .. we love to gossip too .. we gossip about everything .. about celebrities , friends , people walking down the stress and even gossip about each other. Suddenly felt so empty without u , nobody to openly talked to me about everything under the sun . Yes i know i can always talk to my friends and families, but sometimes, i have too personal stuff which is not nice to disclose to others and maybe even if i tell them , they won't understand. Only u , can understand how i feel and what i think ...
When Bella arrives on 2nd august.. u took many pictures of her ... when u reached home that night, u showed mother the pictures u have taken. Mother said u were so happy when u reached home that night even though u were tired after accompanying me throughout the delivery .. U showed mother the photos of Bella .. U told her that she is so cute and pretty. But the reaction that mother give u was that 'like tat call cute?' .. after hearing wat mother said, u were so angry , u went into the room , closed the door and refused to talk to her. Mother knew that u were angry .. but she don't mean to say that .. she said that now Bella is so pretty as she grows day by day ..
Bella's neck is getting stiffer.. whenever i carry her, she will try to sit up on her own .. she loves to practice sitting up .. she will always use a lot of energy to balance herself and she will drool all over when she does that... she is just so cute .. really wish u were around to see that..
In the past, u always pick me up after work whenever u can. U will always try ur best to fetch me back unless u have duties and u have to stay overnight in camp. As i am a floater, i don't have a fixed branch to work in .. Basically u have been to all the branches that i have floated before .. from redhill to tanjong pagar to chinatown to tiong bahru to yishun to woodlands to choa chu kang to kranji .. Everyday u will finish work at about 6pm .. sometimes i have to work till 8 or 9pm in the evening. U will stay in camp to rest or do ur work and will pick me up after i finished mine. I know u r tired after work .. i will always ask u to go back home to rest first and not to pick me up as i can take public transport back. But u told me that as long as u r not super tired, u can still pick me up from work. Hmm.. so nice of u .. i really appreciate that and for what u have done for me.
Waking up in the morning not seeing u is always so not-normal. In the past, i used to see u first thing in the morning.. Life is just so different without u around. Still trying my best to cope with what it is now... what can i do now? I guess i only have to accept what it is now.
Till now, i still feel that life is so 'abnormal' without u. Maybe i'm too used to seeing u and talking to u everyday. I am , also too used to depending on u on almost everything. We talked about everything.. about work, personal life , friends , families .. we love to gossip too .. we gossip about everything .. about celebrities , friends , people walking down the stress and even gossip about each other. Suddenly felt so empty without u , nobody to openly talked to me about everything under the sun . Yes i know i can always talk to my friends and families, but sometimes, i have too personal stuff which is not nice to disclose to others and maybe even if i tell them , they won't understand. Only u , can understand how i feel and what i think ...
When Bella arrives on 2nd august.. u took many pictures of her ... when u reached home that night, u showed mother the pictures u have taken. Mother said u were so happy when u reached home that night even though u were tired after accompanying me throughout the delivery .. U showed mother the photos of Bella .. U told her that she is so cute and pretty. But the reaction that mother give u was that 'like tat call cute?' .. after hearing wat mother said, u were so angry , u went into the room , closed the door and refused to talk to her. Mother knew that u were angry .. but she don't mean to say that .. she said that now Bella is so pretty as she grows day by day ..
Bella's neck is getting stiffer.. whenever i carry her, she will try to sit up on her own .. she loves to practice sitting up .. she will always use a lot of energy to balance herself and she will drool all over when she does that... she is just so cute .. really wish u were around to see that..
In the past, u always pick me up after work whenever u can. U will always try ur best to fetch me back unless u have duties and u have to stay overnight in camp. As i am a floater, i don't have a fixed branch to work in .. Basically u have been to all the branches that i have floated before .. from redhill to tanjong pagar to chinatown to tiong bahru to yishun to woodlands to choa chu kang to kranji .. Everyday u will finish work at about 6pm .. sometimes i have to work till 8 or 9pm in the evening. U will stay in camp to rest or do ur work and will pick me up after i finished mine. I know u r tired after work .. i will always ask u to go back home to rest first and not to pick me up as i can take public transport back. But u told me that as long as u r not super tired, u can still pick me up from work. Hmm.. so nice of u .. i really appreciate that and for what u have done for me.
Waking up in the morning not seeing u is always so not-normal. In the past, i used to see u first thing in the morning.. Life is just so different without u around. Still trying my best to cope with what it is now... what can i do now? I guess i only have to accept what it is now.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
U have changed me
Dear lao gong
Before i met u , i used to be a very playful and take-things-for-granted person .. But after i met u , u have changed me to a different person . I became more matured and my thinking changed. I became a very homely person too. Most of the time will stay at home to spend time with u. In the past, i don't like to stay at home. Most of the time i will find my friends for drinks or just to hangout. Home is just a place for me to sleep and have a good rest. In the past, i never really talked to my mum, dad, brother and my aunt who used to take care of me since i was a baby. After knowing u , i started to stay at home more. I've stopped all my unneccesary drinkings and wasting my money on unnecessary stuff.. Thank u for making me changed to a better person. I will continue to be a better one..
Just received a letter from HDB informing me that my appeal for the Additional Housing Grant (AHG) is being rejected. HDB said that they are unable to extend the AHG to me reason being AHG is based on a 'workfare' concept where the applicants have worked continuously for a 12mth period prior to flat application and the gross monthly household income is not more than $5000. HDB said that the assessment for AHG is from jan to dec 2009 and during this period our combined income is more than $5000. Therefore they are not able to grant me the loan. I've informed them that the house will be under my name, but they said that they have to based on the time that we apply the flat and they have to based on our combined income. Hmm.. not sure what to do next .. maybe have to find MP to see whether she can help me with that. Hope i can get the AHG grant to ease my housing loan ..
Yesterday I went to Gain City to get a gas stove for my home. Cos' the old one is more than 10years and is breaking down soon. Supposed to be $319 , but my buddy's friend has some friends working there. So i got a $50 discount off from the original price..
My current sony ericsson phone is not functioning well .. Hmm.. this sony phone has been with me for 2 years .. It is the first time that i used a handphone for such a long period of time. My M1 contract is going to end in december. Should be a good time for me to get another new phone. I went down to M1 at AMK hub to get iphone4 just now. If i recontract, i need to pay $210 for the phone. Good buy, so i decided to go for it. Had checked with M1 whether they have corporate discount under my current company. I am able to have a discount of 16% off subscription and free caller ID for 2 years.
Yesterday, i thought of going down to ssdc to check out car licence thingy and thought if booking some tests so that i can learn driving. In the past, u always asked me to learn driving so that next time we can take turn to drive and you won't be so tired. I always tell u that learning driving is so expensive and since u know how to drive, u can chauffer us around. But u said that sometimes u won't be free to drive us around when u r working, so , u encouraged me to learn .. U r not around anymore, i have to learn to be independant now.. Sometimes it's useful to have a car licence. I can borrow my mum's car to bring Bella out and to visit u at the cemetery on my own without troubling my friends and relatives to fetch me there. ssdc moved to woodlands.. i think i will go down on thursday to check out how is it like ..
After Bella arrival , i'm trying my very best to learn to be a good mother. I've learned to be a good wife too. Still struggling .. hope i can be a good mum .. still continue to learn how to be one.
Before i met u , i used to be a very playful and take-things-for-granted person .. But after i met u , u have changed me to a different person . I became more matured and my thinking changed. I became a very homely person too. Most of the time will stay at home to spend time with u. In the past, i don't like to stay at home. Most of the time i will find my friends for drinks or just to hangout. Home is just a place for me to sleep and have a good rest. In the past, i never really talked to my mum, dad, brother and my aunt who used to take care of me since i was a baby. After knowing u , i started to stay at home more. I've stopped all my unneccesary drinkings and wasting my money on unnecessary stuff.. Thank u for making me changed to a better person. I will continue to be a better one..
Just received a letter from HDB informing me that my appeal for the Additional Housing Grant (AHG) is being rejected. HDB said that they are unable to extend the AHG to me reason being AHG is based on a 'workfare' concept where the applicants have worked continuously for a 12mth period prior to flat application and the gross monthly household income is not more than $5000. HDB said that the assessment for AHG is from jan to dec 2009 and during this period our combined income is more than $5000. Therefore they are not able to grant me the loan. I've informed them that the house will be under my name, but they said that they have to based on the time that we apply the flat and they have to based on our combined income. Hmm.. not sure what to do next .. maybe have to find MP to see whether she can help me with that. Hope i can get the AHG grant to ease my housing loan ..
Yesterday I went to Gain City to get a gas stove for my home. Cos' the old one is more than 10years and is breaking down soon. Supposed to be $319 , but my buddy's friend has some friends working there. So i got a $50 discount off from the original price..
My current sony ericsson phone is not functioning well .. Hmm.. this sony phone has been with me for 2 years .. It is the first time that i used a handphone for such a long period of time. My M1 contract is going to end in december. Should be a good time for me to get another new phone. I went down to M1 at AMK hub to get iphone4 just now. If i recontract, i need to pay $210 for the phone. Good buy, so i decided to go for it. Had checked with M1 whether they have corporate discount under my current company. I am able to have a discount of 16% off subscription and free caller ID for 2 years.
Yesterday, i thought of going down to ssdc to check out car licence thingy and thought if booking some tests so that i can learn driving. In the past, u always asked me to learn driving so that next time we can take turn to drive and you won't be so tired. I always tell u that learning driving is so expensive and since u know how to drive, u can chauffer us around. But u said that sometimes u won't be free to drive us around when u r working, so , u encouraged me to learn .. U r not around anymore, i have to learn to be independant now.. Sometimes it's useful to have a car licence. I can borrow my mum's car to bring Bella out and to visit u at the cemetery on my own without troubling my friends and relatives to fetch me there. ssdc moved to woodlands.. i think i will go down on thursday to check out how is it like ..
After Bella arrival , i'm trying my very best to learn to be a good mother. I've learned to be a good wife too. Still struggling .. hope i can be a good mum .. still continue to learn how to be one.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Thank you my friends
Dear lao gong
Ever since u were gone , many of my friends were giving me loads of support. Even your friends whom i've never met before and those who don't really know me well have given me their support. I would like to say "thank u to all of u . Thank u for showing me care and concern when my hubby is not around." "Thank you for taking time to read my blog and understand how i feel". I know everyone is supporting me , but it's so hard for me to not to think of u and it's so hard not to feel sad... Buddy said i've already try my best , i hope i really did.
We went over to mother's place today .. So nice of her to prepare lunch for me. She cooked chicken, fish and vegetables. Always love her cooking .. but still feel so sad whenever i taste her cooking .. cos' it always remind me of u .. it's so lonely to eat at home without u .. I always love to see the smile on mother's face whenever she plays with Bella . I really hope that she will be so happy always. 1st brother was very nice .. he bought mother curry puff and her favourite durians. Still remember in the past, we will always buy durians for mother cos' it's her favourite. Today should be a happy day for her.
I've settled most of your stuff .. from CPF to HDB to LTA to SAF to Singtel to AIA .. still left with 2 AIA personal accident claims under pending . Not sure whether these 2 insurances are claimable, have to wait for the post mortem report to be out before i can claim. Cross my fingers i hope nothing goes wrong.
These are my promises to u :
Ever since u were gone , many of my friends were giving me loads of support. Even your friends whom i've never met before and those who don't really know me well have given me their support. I would like to say "thank u to all of u . Thank u for showing me care and concern when my hubby is not around." "Thank you for taking time to read my blog and understand how i feel". I know everyone is supporting me , but it's so hard for me to not to think of u and it's so hard not to feel sad... Buddy said i've already try my best , i hope i really did.
We went over to mother's place today .. So nice of her to prepare lunch for me. She cooked chicken, fish and vegetables. Always love her cooking .. but still feel so sad whenever i taste her cooking .. cos' it always remind me of u .. it's so lonely to eat at home without u .. I always love to see the smile on mother's face whenever she plays with Bella . I really hope that she will be so happy always. 1st brother was very nice .. he bought mother curry puff and her favourite durians. Still remember in the past, we will always buy durians for mother cos' it's her favourite. Today should be a happy day for her.
I've settled most of your stuff .. from CPF to HDB to LTA to SAF to Singtel to AIA .. still left with 2 AIA personal accident claims under pending . Not sure whether these 2 insurances are claimable, have to wait for the post mortem report to be out before i can claim. Cross my fingers i hope nothing goes wrong.
These are my promises to u :
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Is it my fault?
Dear lao gong
Had a chat with mother over the phone yesterday .. she seems sad .. still crying over the phone when i talked to her .. But this one sentence from her , and maybe your whole family , really makes me sit down and think , is it really ME who cost your life?? .. she said that why aren't we staying together after we get married.. if we stayed together, maybe u wouldn't go out that night and nothing would have happened. Yup it's true, if i were with u that night, u wouldn't have meet up with your friends and that accident won't happened. But at that time, i was doing my confinement.. If i stayed at my own place, my aunt will be able to take care of me and helping me to look after the baby ,, If we were to stay at your place, we have to hire a confinement maid which will cost us about $3k ... Therefore, u have decided to let me stay at my place and when u got time after work, u will come over to stay with us .. After i finish my confinement, Bella and I will go back to your place to stay for the next 3 months, when my maternity leave ends. Never did i know that this decision that we made will cost your life.
I know u always tell mother that u felt bad for me cos' we are not able to get a place of our own to stay after we got married.. U told her that we still need to wait for 4 more years for our BTO flat to be ready at Buangkok Green.. U always compare yourself with your good friends. And most of them will be able to get a flat to stay together before getting married.. therefore, this thing makes u feel that you are not up to standard as compared to the rest.. But I really don't mind.. I don't mind waiting for another 4 years for our flat.. as I've told u , this is a good thing too , cos' in these 4 years, we have the time to plan and save up some money for our new home . After we married, we actually planned to stay at your place and sometimes at mine .. As for my job, i need to travel between branches, so sometimes it will take quite a long journey from your place to my work place .. therefore if the journey from my own house to my work place is nearer, we will stay at my place. But if my workplace is nearer to your house, i will stay at yours . But during my off days , i will be at your home , waiting for you to come back from work. This is our plan for the next 4 years. U said that this plan is good so that we can see our parents often . Your workplace is at Mandai Hill camp, which is so close to my home at Khatib . U said that u won't need to wake up so early if u were to stay at my place .. therefore, we both felt that this plan is good.
I was so looking forward to spend quality time with u after giving birth as I had 4 months of maternity leave. We can spend 16 weekends together . U were looking forward to that u cos' u said finally I am able to spend all the 16 weekends with u . I told u that i will learn to be a good housewife and a mother during these 4 months. Never did we know that God is so unfair to us ..
I was talking to a good friend last night.. he asked me recently am i being chased by any guys .. I asked him why did he asked me that. He said that in the past, i used to have a lot of suitors.. I told him no and i'm not intending to find another partner anymore. I just wanted to stay as what i am now. He said that i am still young and do i really want to stay widowed forever? Yeah i do really want to stay as what it is now . Lao gong , i love u and i will always will , till the day i die.
I always envy loving couples whenever i see them as i walk down the streets. I will always think , why can't we have the chance to do that everyday ? Why can't we go out as the family now ? Why did u leave so early ? Well.. i guess , i can't have the answer. All i know now is that things were just not fair to me ..
"The bitterest tears shed over your grave are for the words left unsaid and the deeds left undone." I'm sure u know what it means. For the first few times when i visit u at your grave, i can't control my emotions , i broke down and cry. But after the first few visits, I'm able to control my emotions well. I don't cry out loud, but my heart bleeds and I swallowed my tears down. But please don't be worried for me , i will try to handle my own . As people always said , you will be stronger when u face bigger problems. I hope I will . And please, if u r really up there in heaven, do protect our baby Bella...
Had a chat with mother over the phone yesterday .. she seems sad .. still crying over the phone when i talked to her .. But this one sentence from her , and maybe your whole family , really makes me sit down and think , is it really ME who cost your life?? .. she said that why aren't we staying together after we get married.. if we stayed together, maybe u wouldn't go out that night and nothing would have happened. Yup it's true, if i were with u that night, u wouldn't have meet up with your friends and that accident won't happened. But at that time, i was doing my confinement.. If i stayed at my own place, my aunt will be able to take care of me and helping me to look after the baby ,, If we were to stay at your place, we have to hire a confinement maid which will cost us about $3k ... Therefore, u have decided to let me stay at my place and when u got time after work, u will come over to stay with us .. After i finish my confinement, Bella and I will go back to your place to stay for the next 3 months, when my maternity leave ends. Never did i know that this decision that we made will cost your life.
I know u always tell mother that u felt bad for me cos' we are not able to get a place of our own to stay after we got married.. U told her that we still need to wait for 4 more years for our BTO flat to be ready at Buangkok Green.. U always compare yourself with your good friends. And most of them will be able to get a flat to stay together before getting married.. therefore, this thing makes u feel that you are not up to standard as compared to the rest.. But I really don't mind.. I don't mind waiting for another 4 years for our flat.. as I've told u , this is a good thing too , cos' in these 4 years, we have the time to plan and save up some money for our new home . After we married, we actually planned to stay at your place and sometimes at mine .. As for my job, i need to travel between branches, so sometimes it will take quite a long journey from your place to my work place .. therefore if the journey from my own house to my work place is nearer, we will stay at my place. But if my workplace is nearer to your house, i will stay at yours . But during my off days , i will be at your home , waiting for you to come back from work. This is our plan for the next 4 years. U said that this plan is good so that we can see our parents often . Your workplace is at Mandai Hill camp, which is so close to my home at Khatib . U said that u won't need to wake up so early if u were to stay at my place .. therefore, we both felt that this plan is good.
I was so looking forward to spend quality time with u after giving birth as I had 4 months of maternity leave. We can spend 16 weekends together . U were looking forward to that u cos' u said finally I am able to spend all the 16 weekends with u . I told u that i will learn to be a good housewife and a mother during these 4 months. Never did we know that God is so unfair to us ..
I was talking to a good friend last night.. he asked me recently am i being chased by any guys .. I asked him why did he asked me that. He said that in the past, i used to have a lot of suitors.. I told him no and i'm not intending to find another partner anymore. I just wanted to stay as what i am now. He said that i am still young and do i really want to stay widowed forever? Yeah i do really want to stay as what it is now . Lao gong , i love u and i will always will , till the day i die.
I always envy loving couples whenever i see them as i walk down the streets. I will always think , why can't we have the chance to do that everyday ? Why can't we go out as the family now ? Why did u leave so early ? Well.. i guess , i can't have the answer. All i know now is that things were just not fair to me ..
"The bitterest tears shed over your grave are for the words left unsaid and the deeds left undone." I'm sure u know what it means. For the first few times when i visit u at your grave, i can't control my emotions , i broke down and cry. But after the first few visits, I'm able to control my emotions well. I don't cry out loud, but my heart bleeds and I swallowed my tears down. But please don't be worried for me , i will try to handle my own . As people always said , you will be stronger when u face bigger problems. I hope I will . And please, if u r really up there in heaven, do protect our baby Bella...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Bali (3-6May 2010)
Dear lao gong
Bali is the place we go for our short honeymoon just right after our wedding on 2nd May .. It was a last minute decision as there was a promotion by airasia and the package was really cheap. Actually we supposed to go for our honeymoon after I have given birth .. but since there is promotion, we go for it .. Bella was 6 months old in my stomach. First time we travelling as a family .. We stayed at J boutique Hotel at Kuta beach. Not really a fantasic hotel .. but the location was not bad and the room was clean. Most of the time we relaxed on the beach and the pool located at the top floor of the hotel ..
Bali is the place we go for our short honeymoon just right after our wedding on 2nd May .. It was a last minute decision as there was a promotion by airasia and the package was really cheap. Actually we supposed to go for our honeymoon after I have given birth .. but since there is promotion, we go for it .. Bella was 6 months old in my stomach. First time we travelling as a family .. We stayed at J boutique Hotel at Kuta beach. Not really a fantasic hotel .. but the location was not bad and the room was clean. Most of the time we relaxed on the beach and the pool located at the top floor of the hotel ..
Making funny faces on the plane ..
me & 6mth old Bella in stomach ..
Main shopping area at Kuta beach ..
Nice sunset view of the beach ..
Trying to make a heart shape using our hands ..
Enjoying sunset dinner .
Waiting for our supper in the middle of the night..
Getting ready to sleep soon ..
soaking in the beach at one of the beaches in Bali
whose stomach is bigger ?
At the pool ..
nice lunch ..
After our wedding, we took 1 week of leave to spend time with each other as offical husband and wife.. The time we spent were really sweet. U told me that how u wish we can don't work and stay like this forever, free from worries. I said that i hope we can do that too , but we still have to work , work hard for our family. Never did we know that this trip will be our last together.
I went to the cemetery to visit u this morning .. Very hazy day .. hope the haze will clear up soon. I didn't bring Bella along cos' it's not a good day for babies to go out due to the haze. When the weather gets better, i will bring her to see u again .. Last night i dreamt that the windmill that I've put on your grave was damaged and came off from the soil. This morning I really saw the windmill the same state as what it was in my dream. So weird .. maybe u wanted to tell me that your windmill came off. I've fixed it up and put it back .. One of the flap of the windmill gone missing .. must be due to the bad weather. I will get for u a new one when i come see u next week.. The soil is getting very hard .. which means that it is hardening underneathe too .. I can feel when i tried to plant in the plastic flowers.. I guess in another month or so, there will be people coming over to fix up the tombstone .. This is how it looks like today .. May you rest in peace lao gong.. I will always love u ..
Thursday, October 21, 2010
10 things i love about u
I love the way you hold my hand
Makes me happy to know u r my man.
I love the way you kiss my cheek
and tickle my lil feet.
I love how you call
right when im ready to fall.
I love the way u hold me
when all is going wrong,
you kiss my cheek and whisper its ok,
i pray that this moment lasts long.
I love when u smile at me
letting me know i'm the one.
i love when i close my eyes
all i can see is you,
you hav no idea of how much good you do.
i love how you are there when i am blue
and you also know i am there for you too.
I love the way u read my mind
And how u r alwayz so kind.
I love the way u know the real me
It makes me feel so free.
Last thing that I love
Is the way that u love me
And I luv u 2.
Makes me happy to know u r my man.
I love the way you kiss my cheek
and tickle my lil feet.
I love how you call
right when im ready to fall.
I love the way u hold me
when all is going wrong,
you kiss my cheek and whisper its ok,
i pray that this moment lasts long.
I love when u smile at me
letting me know i'm the one.
i love when i close my eyes
all i can see is you,
you hav no idea of how much good you do.
i love how you are there when i am blue
and you also know i am there for you too.
I love the way u read my mind
And how u r alwayz so kind.
I love the way u know the real me
It makes me feel so free.
Last thing that I love
Is the way that u love me
And I luv u 2.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Your Bike
Dear lao gong
I've handed over the pin number to the towing guy in the morning. He said he will do the neccessary arrangement to scrap the bike. Not sure whether did i do the right thing to scrap the bike , but i really hope you don't mind me doing that. I've taken into considerations that this bike is already 10 years old and it is not very nice for me to fix it back to sell it off to other people cos' u have been through this fatal accident on this bike .. sorry for being 'pang tang' ..
Your bike number is FS8579Z , a Honda CB4000SF.. It is the first bike i've sat on before. Thank you for giving me this experience to pillion me and thank u for taking me for rides on the roads. I will never forget this experience that you have given me. I know u took quite a long time and finally u chose this bike . Still remember your friend took u around places to look for the bike that u want. I didn't go with u cos' u wanted me to rest at home as i was pregnant that time. And finally after so many bikes that u have seen, u finally chosen this bike. U told me that this bike is good .. After u bought this bike, u really take care of it . Who knows after riding this bike for less than 4 months, this mishap happened to u and your life just ended like tat. I did not take any photos of your bike. But your nice colleague let me have this photo of herself and your bike.
I've handed over the pin number to the towing guy in the morning. He said he will do the neccessary arrangement to scrap the bike. Not sure whether did i do the right thing to scrap the bike , but i really hope you don't mind me doing that. I've taken into considerations that this bike is already 10 years old and it is not very nice for me to fix it back to sell it off to other people cos' u have been through this fatal accident on this bike .. sorry for being 'pang tang' ..
Your bike number is FS8579Z , a Honda CB4000SF.. It is the first bike i've sat on before. Thank you for giving me this experience to pillion me and thank u for taking me for rides on the roads. I will never forget this experience that you have given me. I know u took quite a long time and finally u chose this bike . Still remember your friend took u around places to look for the bike that u want. I didn't go with u cos' u wanted me to rest at home as i was pregnant that time. And finally after so many bikes that u have seen, u finally chosen this bike. U told me that this bike is good .. After u bought this bike, u really take care of it . Who knows after riding this bike for less than 4 months, this mishap happened to u and your life just ended like tat. I did not take any photos of your bike. But your nice colleague let me have this photo of herself and your bike.
Ever since u were gone, i always blame myself for not stopping u to get a Bike. If I didnt let u get this bike, maybe this accident won't have happened. I should have insisted on u to keep the car . I guess it's all my fault .. if i know this accident will happen, i will find all means to stop u from buying a bike.
3 night ago , i dream of u .. It was a sweet dream .. I dreamt of u and me holding hands while we walk down orchard road , shopping and eating together. We were having fun .. I can see the smile on your face .. I really hope I can continue to sleep forever and this dream will never end. But when i wake up in the morning and realised that it was a dream , my heart sank . I know my hope of seeing u will never come true anymore. Maybe 1 day i will , when i leave this world. But when will this day come ? I will never know. But if it is possible, please do wait for me.
Not sure why, but i felt extremely down today . Couldn't really control my emotional well .. maybe because ur favourite bike will be scrapped .. tat's y i am feeling this way .. Last night i went to Bottletree park with a few of my ex colleagues to celebrate a good friend's birthday. We had dinner and some wines there. Haven't been there to eat and drink before. Still remember that we have been there last year for prawn fishing ? We were not sure where to go at night, so u have suggested to take a walk at Bottletree park to see if there is anything we can do there. It was our first and only time there, but we had great fun .. Bottletree park is also one of the place that we wanted to hold our wedding function . I wanted to have our wedding there at first cos' the atmosphere was good , but u said that it was a outdoor event, u were afraid that the weather will be too warm for me as i was pregnant that time, therefore u suggested to hold our function at the Chevrons instead.
here's bella .. photos taken a few minutes ago..
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Many things money can't buy
Dear lao gong
Yesterday I've went to KK hospital and LTA to settle some stuff. I went to KK to submit our baby bonus form .. The guy at the counter asked me why i didn't fill up the "Father's particulars" section. I said that u have passed away. He gave me a very shocked look and suddenly not sure how to react. Anyway can't blame him, cos' I don't think he has came across this type of incident before..
After settling our baby's thing at KK , i took a bus to LTA at Sin Ming Drive. Haven't been there before, so i hopped up a bus and try my luck to see whether i can reach there .. The bus drive through Sin Ming Ave then Sin Ming drive.. but throughout the journey i couldn't see LTA so in the end, i ended up at AMK interchange. Then from AMK hub, i took a taxi to LTA.. At LTA, I requested them to transfer your motorbike under my name so that i can get the pin number to scrap away the bike. It was a pretty complicated process cos' i got to wait for the letter from Public Trustee before i can do so. I just received the letter from Public Trustee last week therefore i can go to LTA yesterday to do the neccessary papaerwork. The counter lady at the LTA was very nice, she told me that i should receive a COE refund, she asked me to request from the workshop after the bike was scrapped. She was afraid that i will get cheated by the workshop owner .. so nice of her.
After LTA, i went to AMK hub .. went to the NTUC xtra to check out air-con prices .. I intend to install air-con in my room cos' recently there has been bad haze plus there are construction work outside my house due to the lift upgrading. The air hasn't been so good, i was afraid that it might affect Bella's sensitive nose. Not sure whether should i get a portable air-con for just my room or to get a system 3 for all the rooms. Cos' i was thinking in another 3 years time, our new house will be ready. I haven't decided whether to continue living with my parents or move in to our flat .. A portable air-con cost about $500 to $900 depending on the power .. a system 3 cost about $2500 .. hmm... anyway just checking out the prices first before making up my mind.. how i wish u were around. If u were around, we can discuss together . U r a good decision maker, u will always state down the pros and cons to compare and make a decision fast. I am a person who is very indecisive. I will take a long time to make decisions.
This afternoon i brought Bella to one of my aunt's house at Woodlands, La Casa .. U have been there too .. u said that this condominum is nice .. esp. the pool and the facilities there.. Bella enjoyed herself there . She was busy "talking" to my aunt and uncle .. she didn't take afternoon nap. Therefore she slept through in the car on our way back home. Bella is really cute, she loves to "talk" and smile at people. I'm sure if u r around, u will definitely want to see her everyday.
Money can't buy many things. Money can't bring u back , can't buy the happiness that i want .. But to u , money is important. I know it is important to u cos' u want to provide us with good life. It's true that without money, many things cannot be done. That is the reason why u r always so stressful. U always compare yourself with the rest of your friends. A lot of your friends are doing very well and earning big bucks. U wished to be like them too.. But i don't need a rich husband, all i want is a happy family. I've told u that. There are really some things money can't buy and these will be the regret we have forever..
Yesterday I've went to KK hospital and LTA to settle some stuff. I went to KK to submit our baby bonus form .. The guy at the counter asked me why i didn't fill up the "Father's particulars" section. I said that u have passed away. He gave me a very shocked look and suddenly not sure how to react. Anyway can't blame him, cos' I don't think he has came across this type of incident before..
After settling our baby's thing at KK , i took a bus to LTA at Sin Ming Drive. Haven't been there before, so i hopped up a bus and try my luck to see whether i can reach there .. The bus drive through Sin Ming Ave then Sin Ming drive.. but throughout the journey i couldn't see LTA so in the end, i ended up at AMK interchange. Then from AMK hub, i took a taxi to LTA.. At LTA, I requested them to transfer your motorbike under my name so that i can get the pin number to scrap away the bike. It was a pretty complicated process cos' i got to wait for the letter from Public Trustee before i can do so. I just received the letter from Public Trustee last week therefore i can go to LTA yesterday to do the neccessary papaerwork. The counter lady at the LTA was very nice, she told me that i should receive a COE refund, she asked me to request from the workshop after the bike was scrapped. She was afraid that i will get cheated by the workshop owner .. so nice of her.
After LTA, i went to AMK hub .. went to the NTUC xtra to check out air-con prices .. I intend to install air-con in my room cos' recently there has been bad haze plus there are construction work outside my house due to the lift upgrading. The air hasn't been so good, i was afraid that it might affect Bella's sensitive nose. Not sure whether should i get a portable air-con for just my room or to get a system 3 for all the rooms. Cos' i was thinking in another 3 years time, our new house will be ready. I haven't decided whether to continue living with my parents or move in to our flat .. A portable air-con cost about $500 to $900 depending on the power .. a system 3 cost about $2500 .. hmm... anyway just checking out the prices first before making up my mind.. how i wish u were around. If u were around, we can discuss together . U r a good decision maker, u will always state down the pros and cons to compare and make a decision fast. I am a person who is very indecisive. I will take a long time to make decisions.
This afternoon i brought Bella to one of my aunt's house at Woodlands, La Casa .. U have been there too .. u said that this condominum is nice .. esp. the pool and the facilities there.. Bella enjoyed herself there . She was busy "talking" to my aunt and uncle .. she didn't take afternoon nap. Therefore she slept through in the car on our way back home. Bella is really cute, she loves to "talk" and smile at people. I'm sure if u r around, u will definitely want to see her everyday.
Money can't buy many things. Money can't bring u back , can't buy the happiness that i want .. But to u , money is important. I know it is important to u cos' u want to provide us with good life. It's true that without money, many things cannot be done. That is the reason why u r always so stressful. U always compare yourself with the rest of your friends. A lot of your friends are doing very well and earning big bucks. U wished to be like them too.. But i don't need a rich husband, all i want is a happy family. I've told u that. There are really some things money can't buy and these will be the regret we have forever..
Monday, October 18, 2010
Bintan 21-23dec 09
Dear Lao gong
We went to Bintan for a short trip to celebrate early christmas. It's our first christmas celebration together.. we brought Bella along too.. tat time she is about 2 months old in my stomach. December is monsoon season .. the sea was really rough.. I had a big time sea sickness and i vomitted 7 times in the 45 mins ferry to Bintan .. U nearly puke too.. lucky u managed to control yourself.. While i was vomitting, the passengers sitting around me all started to get affected by me and we vomitting together.. what a scene..
I vow to always keep my love, as pure as it is today.
In your laughet, and your tears, in your sickness, and your health.
In your comfort, and your fears, in your poverty and your wealth.
I promise to be true to you, I promise to cherish you.
I give this ring, as a token, I now marry you.
You made this vow on our wedding day , in front of our families and friends. I will always remember this vow that u've made to me. Thank u my love, for giving me the best , i will always love u ..
We went to Bintan for a short trip to celebrate early christmas. It's our first christmas celebration together.. we brought Bella along too.. tat time she is about 2 months old in my stomach. December is monsoon season .. the sea was really rough.. I had a big time sea sickness and i vomitted 7 times in the 45 mins ferry to Bintan .. U nearly puke too.. lucky u managed to control yourself.. While i was vomitting, the passengers sitting around me all started to get affected by me and we vomitting together.. what a scene..
There is not much thing to do in Nirwana Resort .. i can't do seasports at that time cos' i was pregnant. Therefore, most of the time we slack in the beach, sun tanned and swim .. In the night we just watch tv and played card games. We forgotten to bring our cameras.. we only took a few photos using our handphones.. Though it's quite boring in Bintan, but we enjoyed each others company. We lied on the beach and talked for hours under the sun .. we fell asleep on the sun deck while suntanning and we enjoyed the cool water in the swimming pool .. It's a cheap and fun holiday for us ..
Last christmas u told me that this year will be fun .. cos' we will be celebrating christmas together with Bella.. You said we will be one happy family .. but God didn't give us a chance to celebrate christmas together. He took u away from us.. how unfair can that be ?
Still remember this vow ?
In your laughet, and your tears, in your sickness, and your health.
In your comfort, and your fears, in your poverty and your wealth.
I promise to be true to you, I promise to cherish you.
I give this ring, as a token, I now marry you.
You made this vow on our wedding day , in front of our families and friends. I will always remember this vow that u've made to me. Thank u my love, for giving me the best , i will always love u ..
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Visiting mother
Dear lao gong
It's sunday today .. I've brought Bella back home to spend the family day with mother.. I reached there around 12pm , just nice mother was back from church.. Mother had a great time with Bella today .. Bella din sleep throughout the whole afternoon .. She was busy playing with mother and making all the hoos and haas sound.. Bella smiled and 1st brother when he came out from the room and played with her. Seems like Bella loves to play and smile at people.. It's so nice to see mother smiling today..
Mother told me that she needs to submit the wordings on your tombstone by tomorrow. Therefore she asked me to write down the things that we need to put up on the tomb. I've written down me and Bella's name plus mother and 3 brothers to be engraved on the stone. Mother chose some psalms on the bible to be put up on the stone as well ..
Mother fried our favourite chicken wings for me again .. I always think of u when i ate mother's cooking.. we always love mother's home cooked meal .. I'm sure u must have missed her cooking .. Still remember in the past when we used to have dinners at home , everytime u will ask me to wash the plates after our meals .. U said that i should practice to be a good housewife before we get married. I always make noise and said that u bully me cos' u will be enjoying the tv while i wash the dishes.. But after i was pregnant, u always take the initiative to wash the dishes after our meals .. i always offer to wash but u asked me to rest as i was pregnant, especially after work. Then i told u how nice if i were to be pregnant forever and u will do the dishes for me.. Thinking back the times we had were really sweet. While i was washing the plates just now after my chicken wings , these images flashes through my mind. I really miss u ..
Just now on the way to your place, the cab driver passed by our new flat at buangkok green .. Good news .. HDB started to fence the area for building the flats and they have already started to dig up the place. I'm sure if u are around , u will definitely be very happy .. Cos' after we gotten the flat, we will always drive by this area to check out the place and to see whether has HDB started to develop the land to build our home. I can feel how excited u r if u get to know this news ..
We left mother's place in the late evening cos' Bella is tired .. In the past, if we were to go to Hougang mall for walks or visit the nearby shops , we will always walk pass the terrace house of Lor Batawi road just beside SIC .. It is a very quiet road at night .. We have walked by this road more than hundred times .. Today as i walk by Lor Batawi to take a cab at the main road , suddenly i felt this lonliness to walk without u .. In the past we will play and joke while we were on our way out .. Now, i'm left with the memories with u .. We won't be able to walk together anymore.. Do u miss me as much as i missed u ??
This is Bella taken today ..
It's sunday today .. I've brought Bella back home to spend the family day with mother.. I reached there around 12pm , just nice mother was back from church.. Mother had a great time with Bella today .. Bella din sleep throughout the whole afternoon .. She was busy playing with mother and making all the hoos and haas sound.. Bella smiled and 1st brother when he came out from the room and played with her. Seems like Bella loves to play and smile at people.. It's so nice to see mother smiling today..
Mother told me that she needs to submit the wordings on your tombstone by tomorrow. Therefore she asked me to write down the things that we need to put up on the tomb. I've written down me and Bella's name plus mother and 3 brothers to be engraved on the stone. Mother chose some psalms on the bible to be put up on the stone as well ..
Mother fried our favourite chicken wings for me again .. I always think of u when i ate mother's cooking.. we always love mother's home cooked meal .. I'm sure u must have missed her cooking .. Still remember in the past when we used to have dinners at home , everytime u will ask me to wash the plates after our meals .. U said that i should practice to be a good housewife before we get married. I always make noise and said that u bully me cos' u will be enjoying the tv while i wash the dishes.. But after i was pregnant, u always take the initiative to wash the dishes after our meals .. i always offer to wash but u asked me to rest as i was pregnant, especially after work. Then i told u how nice if i were to be pregnant forever and u will do the dishes for me.. Thinking back the times we had were really sweet. While i was washing the plates just now after my chicken wings , these images flashes through my mind. I really miss u ..
Just now on the way to your place, the cab driver passed by our new flat at buangkok green .. Good news .. HDB started to fence the area for building the flats and they have already started to dig up the place. I'm sure if u are around , u will definitely be very happy .. Cos' after we gotten the flat, we will always drive by this area to check out the place and to see whether has HDB started to develop the land to build our home. I can feel how excited u r if u get to know this news ..
We left mother's place in the late evening cos' Bella is tired .. In the past, if we were to go to Hougang mall for walks or visit the nearby shops , we will always walk pass the terrace house of Lor Batawi road just beside SIC .. It is a very quiet road at night .. We have walked by this road more than hundred times .. Today as i walk by Lor Batawi to take a cab at the main road , suddenly i felt this lonliness to walk without u .. In the past we will play and joke while we were on our way out .. Now, i'm left with the memories with u .. We won't be able to walk together anymore.. Do u miss me as much as i missed u ??
This is Bella taken today ..
Saturday, October 16, 2010
2 mths since u were gone
Dear lao gong
Today is 16 Oct . U have been gone for 2 months. Seems like many of your friends and relatives have been moving on well and there are lesser grieving among many people. Yup, should be a good thing though.. hope that they won't forget u so soon .. Bella and I will always remember and miss u and u will always be in our heart. Bella is 2 months and 2 weeks old .. Look how cute she is .. these photos are taken yesterday ..
Today is 16 Oct . U have been gone for 2 months. Seems like many of your friends and relatives have been moving on well and there are lesser grieving among many people. Yup, should be a good thing though.. hope that they won't forget u so soon .. Bella and I will always remember and miss u and u will always be in our heart. Bella is 2 months and 2 weeks old .. Look how cute she is .. these photos are taken yesterday ..
Saw an advertisement on TV yesterday .. it's about motorbike accident from Traffic police. Slogan is "safety is the best gift for your love ones" . Well.. it's very true. By going out and reach home safely everyday is more important than anything else. In the past, there are a lot of accident advertisements on TV by the traffic police .. we always take it for granted and think that these thing will happen to us. I've always worry for u when u r on the roads and especially when u r riding after work cos' u r tired. U always told me not to worry as u r a very safe driver. I never doubt ur driving and riding skills. I always tell u that accidents do happen even though how careful u r .. U don't believe and u never thought that accident will happen to u .. What is accident? Accident is an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occur unintentionally which results in mishap.. I never thought that u will never come back home that night.
I'm sure u remember last year June, mother bought a cupboard for us .. U told her that we are intending to get married by the end of 2009 .. Mother went to buy a cupboard for us a week later after u told her. She said that the current cupboard was very old , so she bought a nice one for us and she asked u to leave half of the cupboard for me to put my clothings. So nice of her.. she even asked u to pack the old clothes that u r not wearing anymore and put it away if not there wont be any space for me. Since u were gone, all your clothes and your uniforms are still left utouched in the cupboard. I can't help but always open your cupboard whenever i go over to mother's place. I love the smell of your clothes in the cupboard .. still remember we bought this nice smelling bags from NTUC. U love this smell too .. I always have this heartbroken feelings whenever i touched your clothes and uniforms in the cupboard cos' u won't be around to wear them anymore.
Just brought Bella to see family doctor. This 2 weeks Bella has a lot of phlegm and sometimes make her have diffculty to breathe while she drinks her milk. Doctor said she has sensitive nose.. same as me. She said most probably is passed down from me cos' i have sensitive nose. She prescribed a medicine for Bella to clear the phelgm in her throat. She told me to keep the room as clean as possible, free from dust. She also said it might be the formula milk that she is drinking, therefore she advised me to change another brand of milk to see whether will the situation gets better.. hmm.. hope it is nothing so serious..
Just brought Bella to see family doctor. This 2 weeks Bella has a lot of phlegm and sometimes make her have diffculty to breathe while she drinks her milk. Doctor said she has sensitive nose.. same as me. She said most probably is passed down from me cos' i have sensitive nose. She prescribed a medicine for Bella to clear the phelgm in her throat. She told me to keep the room as clean as possible, free from dust. She also said it might be the formula milk that she is drinking, therefore she advised me to change another brand of milk to see whether will the situation gets better.. hmm.. hope it is nothing so serious..
I always thought that i am a lucky woman.. to have a loving husband and a cute baby girl.. I never thought that u will be gone so soon and left me alone with our baby .. U always tells me that u r a lucky to have me as your wife , besides me not able to do housework and cook , everything is just fine. I did promise u that i will learn cooking and will start to do house work so that I can take care of the house when we receive it in another 3 years time.. But God didn't give me a chance to do all these things .. I've been missing u so much. It's been 2 months since I've not seen and talk to u .. Still can't believe the fact tat u r gone.. I am not sure why this unfortunate thing will happen to me ..
Friday, October 15, 2010
Phuket 21 - 26 sept 2009
Dear Lao gong
Phuket is our first trip together .. We stayed there for 6 days .. 3 days at Patong beach and 3 days at Karon beach.. It's your first time to Phuket .. We were pretty excited cos' it's the first time we are travelling together and we both love beach resorts.. Basically we just eat , sleep , drink , sun tan and explore the island .. Time pass really fast especially while we are enjoying..
Still remember at the last night , there is this beach party at Karon beach just next to our resort.. there were loads of yummy foods and drinks around.. We joined in the party and watched the live concert.. even though they are all thai music .. but we had lots of fun .. there were a few roadside bartenders where they will mix and match the cocktails or drinks that we want. We can choose from the various range of drinks that they have or we can ask them to mix for us .. the prices of the drinks are very cheap too.. Since it's the last night, we decided to spend the rest of our money , therefore, we ordered loads of different cocktails to try.. we had a pretty early flight the next morning and nearly couldn't wake up on time..
We had so much fun at Phuket and u promised that we will go for holiday trips twice every year .. U told me that u love to go on holidays with me .. Ur work is stressful . So u will always be looking forward to go on holiday trips with me to relax . I love going on trips with u too .. i always have so much fun being with u .
When we came back from Phuket, we make it a point to save up every month for our future as well as our holiday trips. U told me that for the first 3 years, we might only be able to visit nearby countries .. but once we have enough savings , we will go for our dream holiday .. Ur Grand Canyon , my Maldives and our Europe trip. We always work hard for our future , our home and our family. When Bella is born , u told me that we will bring her together for holidays when she is 4 years old .. we will bring her to the zoo, sentosa, univeral studios .. But i guess now without u , our dream holidays will never come true .. I can still visit the places that we wished to go , but without u , it is just too meaningless.. our wish is to travel around the world as much as we can before we die .. but since u were gone , i don't have any desire anymore. I guess u must have regretted not visiting Grand Canyon before u were gone. Maybe it's all fate ..
Phuket is our first trip together .. We stayed there for 6 days .. 3 days at Patong beach and 3 days at Karon beach.. It's your first time to Phuket .. We were pretty excited cos' it's the first time we are travelling together and we both love beach resorts.. Basically we just eat , sleep , drink , sun tan and explore the island .. Time pass really fast especially while we are enjoying..
First 3 days at Grand Mecure
Next 3 days at Sugar Palm Karon resort
Still remember at the last night , there is this beach party at Karon beach just next to our resort.. there were loads of yummy foods and drinks around.. We joined in the party and watched the live concert.. even though they are all thai music .. but we had lots of fun .. there were a few roadside bartenders where they will mix and match the cocktails or drinks that we want. We can choose from the various range of drinks that they have or we can ask them to mix for us .. the prices of the drinks are very cheap too.. Since it's the last night, we decided to spend the rest of our money , therefore, we ordered loads of different cocktails to try.. we had a pretty early flight the next morning and nearly couldn't wake up on time..
We had so much fun at Phuket and u promised that we will go for holiday trips twice every year .. U told me that u love to go on holidays with me .. Ur work is stressful . So u will always be looking forward to go on holiday trips with me to relax . I love going on trips with u too .. i always have so much fun being with u .
When we came back from Phuket, we make it a point to save up every month for our future as well as our holiday trips. U told me that for the first 3 years, we might only be able to visit nearby countries .. but once we have enough savings , we will go for our dream holiday .. Ur Grand Canyon , my Maldives and our Europe trip. We always work hard for our future , our home and our family. When Bella is born , u told me that we will bring her together for holidays when she is 4 years old .. we will bring her to the zoo, sentosa, univeral studios .. But i guess now without u , our dream holidays will never come true .. I can still visit the places that we wished to go , but without u , it is just too meaningless.. our wish is to travel around the world as much as we can before we die .. but since u were gone , i don't have any desire anymore. I guess u must have regretted not visiting Grand Canyon before u were gone. Maybe it's all fate ..
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