Dear lao gong
Many of my friends tell me to take things easy .. and learn to let go . Well, it's really very difficult to control my mind when my heart tells me a different thing . It's been more than 6 months, but i still couldn't let go .. not even a little bit .. whenever i think of u , i will cry ..
I always miss u .. whenever i miss u , i will look at pictures of u .. and whenever i look at them .. naturally , tears will flow . I know this thing is irreversible .. How i wish it could be. I really don't want to live in this world without u .
2 more weeks to my driving test .. Next week will be back in driving school during my off days to refresh my driving skills .. I'm a gan cheong spider .. really hope everything will go fine .. Not really have the confident to pass though .
How long more do i need to suffer? Though i've always behave back to my happy-go-lucky self .. but my heart still bleeds .. Non-stop bleeding .. and the blood will not stop flowing till the day i die .. I still blame God .. for taking u away from me . I really feel lonely without u .. no one to listen to me when i feel down , no one to ask for opinions when i really need it , no one to listen to my nonsense and no one to share my happiness .. What can i do ? I can only keep quiet ..
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Half a year
My dearest ..
16 Feb today .. it's been half a year since u were gone .. How time flies .. felt pretty scary .. sorry i haven't been writing these few days as i was struggling to stop myself from switching on the computer and look at facebook.. I hate to read up facebook these few days as 2 days ago was Valentine's day .. I'm sure many of my friends in facebook will post lovey dovey notes for their beloved ones and putting up pictures of their gifts and how they spent their valentine's day .. I'm jealous .. real jealous .. Why couldn't i celebrate with u .. ?? It's just not fair at all !! I really hate ocassions .. big big time !!
It's really nice of your friend, May .. she fetched me to the cemetery on Valentine's day to visit u in the afternoon .. scorching hot sun , we've stayed and chit chatted with u for a while .. I missed u .. and really wished u were here with me to celebrate valentine's day for the rest of our lives .. she has sent me back in the late afternoon and for the rest of the day .. i was feeling really down. However, in the evening, a friend called me out for dinner after his work as he knew that i'm feeling down .. We went chomp chomp for late dinner .. I had all my favourite food , just felt slightly better .. but still , it will be perfect with u around. Really wanted to thank him for making my night a bit better ..
Yesterday at work, i had a long conversation with my buddy .. As usual, my buddy knew that i was feeling down. He asked me 3 questions , if I were the one who leave this world and you are the survivor with Bella .. God prepared a contract and i was requested to make a decision and sign it :
1) Will i want u to join me in 21 years time after Bella can take care of herself or would i want u to continue living to ripe old age and enjoy my life to the fullest ..
2) Will i want u to stay widowed for life , find a partner , or get another wife if a good person comes by ..
3) Will i want u to stay happy or want u to be sad for the rest of your life ?
Buddy told me that whatever my answer is to these 3 questions, will also be the same as u ...
These 3 questions really makes me think, what i really want for myself ..
The love that u've given to me was the greatest .. i truely appreciate what u have given me . I will never forget u my dear . U will always be in my heart ..
16 Feb today .. it's been half a year since u were gone .. How time flies .. felt pretty scary .. sorry i haven't been writing these few days as i was struggling to stop myself from switching on the computer and look at facebook.. I hate to read up facebook these few days as 2 days ago was Valentine's day .. I'm sure many of my friends in facebook will post lovey dovey notes for their beloved ones and putting up pictures of their gifts and how they spent their valentine's day .. I'm jealous .. real jealous .. Why couldn't i celebrate with u .. ?? It's just not fair at all !! I really hate ocassions .. big big time !!
It's really nice of your friend, May .. she fetched me to the cemetery on Valentine's day to visit u in the afternoon .. scorching hot sun , we've stayed and chit chatted with u for a while .. I missed u .. and really wished u were here with me to celebrate valentine's day for the rest of our lives .. she has sent me back in the late afternoon and for the rest of the day .. i was feeling really down. However, in the evening, a friend called me out for dinner after his work as he knew that i'm feeling down .. We went chomp chomp for late dinner .. I had all my favourite food , just felt slightly better .. but still , it will be perfect with u around. Really wanted to thank him for making my night a bit better ..
Yesterday at work, i had a long conversation with my buddy .. As usual, my buddy knew that i was feeling down. He asked me 3 questions , if I were the one who leave this world and you are the survivor with Bella .. God prepared a contract and i was requested to make a decision and sign it :
1) Will i want u to join me in 21 years time after Bella can take care of herself or would i want u to continue living to ripe old age and enjoy my life to the fullest ..
2) Will i want u to stay widowed for life , find a partner , or get another wife if a good person comes by ..
3) Will i want u to stay happy or want u to be sad for the rest of your life ?
Buddy told me that whatever my answer is to these 3 questions, will also be the same as u ...
These 3 questions really makes me think, what i really want for myself ..
The love that u've given to me was the greatest .. i truely appreciate what u have given me . I will never forget u my dear . U will always be in my heart ..
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Your favourite songs
Dear lao gong
As usual, i love to watch MVs and videos on youtube when i'm free.. and in the past, during our free time, both of us will sit in the room watching youtubes if there were no good tv programs on TV .. It's been so long since i last heard your favourite songs from the early 90s.. During that time, i only listen to english music .. i always told me that i missed out all the nice songs in the past.. You were the one that introduce me to the nice songs of the early 90s which i've never heard before .. Theses are your 3 favourite songs which will always remind me of you:
张学友 - 她来听我的演唱会
動力火車 ─ 想你是臨睡的習慣
古巨基 - 中箭
These 3 songs are really so meaningful and nice. And i will never forget the way u sang these songs .. they were so beautiful and touching.. It will always be in my mind.. Not sure why , but whenever i heard these songs , i will feel very emotional and i will cry. It just seems like yesterday we were sitting in our room listening to these songs and today u were gone.. I can never forget how well u sang these songs ..
Still remember i told u i wanted to find shops that print photos onto tiles so that i can stick it onto your tomb ? I've found it. The shop is located at bugis junction .. Didn't really deliberately went down to check out the shop, just happened to pass by some of the push carts and i saw it. I've checked with the girl , she said that she only need 45 mins to complete the tile. I will probably go down in the next 2 weeks to print the photos once i've finished arranging them.
Today is the 6th day of chinese new year .. work has been real busy as many people come to try their luck for the new year .. During the past new year , u will always have gathering at your best friend's house and everybody will start to gamble and drink at their house .. I guess this year they will still have their usual gathering .. without u playing black jack with them , they should be feeling sad too.
Friends and relatives still do always comfort me by telling me that u have gone to heaven and in god's arm .. Thanks everybody for their nice comforting words. But is it really true that when one dies , their soul will either go to heaven or hell ? No one will have the answer unless one really dies. I know they just want me to feel better by telling me all these stuff .. All i know is that I really don't know where u have been to and i really miss u so much... when can i see u again ? I will always be looking forward to this day to happen ...
As usual, i love to watch MVs and videos on youtube when i'm free.. and in the past, during our free time, both of us will sit in the room watching youtubes if there were no good tv programs on TV .. It's been so long since i last heard your favourite songs from the early 90s.. During that time, i only listen to english music .. i always told me that i missed out all the nice songs in the past.. You were the one that introduce me to the nice songs of the early 90s which i've never heard before .. Theses are your 3 favourite songs which will always remind me of you:
张学友 - 她来听我的演唱会
動力火車 ─ 想你是臨睡的習慣
古巨基 - 中箭
These 3 songs are really so meaningful and nice. And i will never forget the way u sang these songs .. they were so beautiful and touching.. It will always be in my mind.. Not sure why , but whenever i heard these songs , i will feel very emotional and i will cry. It just seems like yesterday we were sitting in our room listening to these songs and today u were gone.. I can never forget how well u sang these songs ..
Still remember i told u i wanted to find shops that print photos onto tiles so that i can stick it onto your tomb ? I've found it. The shop is located at bugis junction .. Didn't really deliberately went down to check out the shop, just happened to pass by some of the push carts and i saw it. I've checked with the girl , she said that she only need 45 mins to complete the tile. I will probably go down in the next 2 weeks to print the photos once i've finished arranging them.
Today is the 6th day of chinese new year .. work has been real busy as many people come to try their luck for the new year .. During the past new year , u will always have gathering at your best friend's house and everybody will start to gamble and drink at their house .. I guess this year they will still have their usual gathering .. without u playing black jack with them , they should be feeling sad too.
Friends and relatives still do always comfort me by telling me that u have gone to heaven and in god's arm .. Thanks everybody for their nice comforting words. But is it really true that when one dies , their soul will either go to heaven or hell ? No one will have the answer unless one really dies. I know they just want me to feel better by telling me all these stuff .. All i know is that I really don't know where u have been to and i really miss u so much... when can i see u again ? I will always be looking forward to this day to happen ...
Friday, February 4, 2011
LAO GONG .. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR
Dear lao gong
today it's the 2nd day of the rabbit year.. gone are the sad sad tiger year .. hope rabbit year will be better.. though it won't be perfect without u around.
Eve of CNY , after ending my work at 6pm, i rushed to mother's place for our reunion dinner at home. Everybody were there .. mother prepared lots of nice dishes.. there were your favourite fried prawns, chicken , duck , abalone , fish and crabs. All were so nice .. However, i can feel that everybody was sad without u around. Especially mother .. Though i was enjoying mother's cooking , but my heart was bleeding real bad. I really envy first , 2nd and 3rd brother having dinner with their wives and children. As for me, i was eating alone by myself, without u sitting beside me. Tears nearly dropped, i managed to control it well . After dinner, everyone left at about 9 plus and first brother went to work with his wife. Having seeing mother was alone at home, i decided to sit with her and accompany her for a while before i go home to take care of Bella. We had a long chat .. we chatted about our families .. I reached back home just before midnight .
First day of CNY , we went to mother's place after Bella took her morning nap .. I dressed her up in pink cheongsam .. she looks really pretty and cute. Mother's face immediately lighted up with smile the moment she saw Bella... She showed me pictures of u when u were a baby .. Bella really looked like u when u were young .. We left at about 5pm to my aunt house at woodlands .. Bella was so tired that she felt asleep in my arms after finishing her milk in the evening . Our little angel really loves the crowd. She smiles at all our relatives whenever she sees them . I was so afraid that bella might be afraid when she sees so many people around .. but she's not .. she is a real friendly baby .. Bella is a rich little baby now .. she has collected loads of ang pows from everybody . I shall deposit the money into her bank account after CNY is over ..
I can still remember last year , Bella was just about 3 months old in my stomach when we celebrated CNY .. We were both in joyous mood celebrating the new year and planning for our wedding .. I really miss ur presence .. I miss everything about u . Every night I will think of u before i sleep.. and i will still cry . I'm really not sure whether will i stop crying one day . it's really difficult .. especially when i see happy families around celebrating the holiday seasons and i'm just alone with Bella. I really envy happy families.. And i really hate myself for not having a complete family. Why is that so ? And why is it so unfair ?
today it's the 2nd day of the rabbit year.. gone are the sad sad tiger year .. hope rabbit year will be better.. though it won't be perfect without u around.
Eve of CNY , after ending my work at 6pm, i rushed to mother's place for our reunion dinner at home. Everybody were there .. mother prepared lots of nice dishes.. there were your favourite fried prawns, chicken , duck , abalone , fish and crabs. All were so nice .. However, i can feel that everybody was sad without u around. Especially mother .. Though i was enjoying mother's cooking , but my heart was bleeding real bad. I really envy first , 2nd and 3rd brother having dinner with their wives and children. As for me, i was eating alone by myself, without u sitting beside me. Tears nearly dropped, i managed to control it well . After dinner, everyone left at about 9 plus and first brother went to work with his wife. Having seeing mother was alone at home, i decided to sit with her and accompany her for a while before i go home to take care of Bella. We had a long chat .. we chatted about our families .. I reached back home just before midnight .
First day of CNY , we went to mother's place after Bella took her morning nap .. I dressed her up in pink cheongsam .. she looks really pretty and cute. Mother's face immediately lighted up with smile the moment she saw Bella... She showed me pictures of u when u were a baby .. Bella really looked like u when u were young .. We left at about 5pm to my aunt house at woodlands .. Bella was so tired that she felt asleep in my arms after finishing her milk in the evening . Our little angel really loves the crowd. She smiles at all our relatives whenever she sees them . I was so afraid that bella might be afraid when she sees so many people around .. but she's not .. she is a real friendly baby .. Bella is a rich little baby now .. she has collected loads of ang pows from everybody . I shall deposit the money into her bank account after CNY is over ..
I can still remember last year , Bella was just about 3 months old in my stomach when we celebrated CNY .. We were both in joyous mood celebrating the new year and planning for our wedding .. I really miss ur presence .. I miss everything about u . Every night I will think of u before i sleep.. and i will still cry . I'm really not sure whether will i stop crying one day . it's really difficult .. especially when i see happy families around celebrating the holiday seasons and i'm just alone with Bella. I really envy happy families.. And i really hate myself for not having a complete family. Why is that so ? And why is it so unfair ?
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