Dear lao gong
I miss u .. sorry for being long-winded and keep repeating to u that i miss u .. I pray for u every night .. Even though i'm not a christian, i hope God that hear what i say.. Every night i will tell God to take care of u and tell God to protect Bella ..
Unconditional love .. is what u always gave me .. Thank u for loving me with all ur heart .. Thank u for giving me the love no one else has given me before .. Me too , has given u my unconditional love .. U are irreplaceable in my heart.. Even though u r no longer with me. U r still in my mind everyday regardless of whatever things i'm doing.. How do i live without u? I really don't know. All i know still i still have to stay alive ..
Life is really unpredictable. I'm sure u still remember my aunt , Jennie.. U said that she is the most understanding and reasonable aunt among all my relatives. She was admitted to hospital on wednesday. She said that she has been coughing blood and when she went to see doctor, doctor advised her to admit herself to hospital immediately as her condition was really bad. I went down to visit her on Saturday at East Shore hospital. She was at the ICU, with oxygen mask and inducing blood .. she can't breathe properly and losing blood.. Doctor is still doing some test on her to diagnose what is the problem..I really hope it's nothing serious .. When I went to visit her on Saturday, she looked so weak, i nearly cried in front of her. She can't talk as she is breathless.. My aunt visited her last night, she came back and told me that on Saturday midnight, her condition was so bad and she was in danger. Luckily doctor injected steriod in her to stablise her condition. Currently doctor is suspecting that she has a rare virus, her body's antibotic is attacking her internal organs, this virus is very rare, only in 1 out of 30,000 patients. I really hope it is not the case.. till now, doctor still doesn't have any outcome on her condition. I really really hope she will be fine .. I will pray to God to protect her .. she is such a nice lady, i'm sure she will get well soon ..
I went down to HDB this morning to file an appeal .. Even though i've removed ur name for the flat, HDB refused to grant me the Additional Housing Grant. I've called up the officer in charge last week to check with her why can't i apply for the AHG .. She said that it will be impossible as HDB only take into consideration on the date that we have applied for the flat .. She said that when we apply for the flat last year, our combined income is more than $5000 , therefore the AHG will not be approved. However, i told her that u r not around anymore and my salary is obviously below $5000 as she can see from my payslips that i've submitted. She still told me that according to procedure, it is not possible at all. Therefore i've decided to appeal by going down to fill up the form. I don't earn much monthly .. Now i have to take care of Bella on my own .. My monthly pay should be able to support Bella plus myself if i try to minimise on unneccesary things.. i really hope that HDB can approve on this grant so that it won't be so tedious for me next time when our house is ready ..
Sometimes i will think .. what if instead of u leaving me, i am the one who leave u .. Will u feel upset? will u grieve ? will u feel heart-broken ? will u feel how i feel now ?? If u really feel how i feel now, i would rather u go before me. I don't want to see u feeling so hurt .. this pain is even worse than a thousand arrows hitting straight into my heart. As i always said, no one else will understand how i feel .. U will only be able to feel it when it really happens to u .. People always ask me how am i feel now whenever they see me , i will always said, i'm alright.. I'm behaving more normal now as compared to a few weeks ago .. I'm learning to how to control my emotions and not letting people see the sadder side of me .. guess i'm doing a good job now ..
We can always see a lot of old people hanging out at HDB hub @ Toa payoh.. This morning while i was filling up the appeal form at the foodcourt, i saw 2 loving old couples holding hands while they walk pass the foodcourt. It was really heartwarming .. seeing them so loving at this age of 70 to 80 yrs old really melts my heart. I was thinking, how nice if it was us .. holding hands when we have grey hairs as we walked down the streets.. I was daydreaming for a while just now, images of u and me came to my mind when we are old.. I know it will never be possible again. I will be a lonely old woman next time, if i can live up to that age.. I really hate loneliness .. I really don't want to be an old woman living in the old age home, waiting to die .. However, no one will know how and what time we will leave this place and meet u there in heaven .. If u are really up there, please do wait for me . I love u so much my dear..
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