Paying u a visit

Dear lao gong
It's 4pm. I'm just back from the cemetery after visiting u. I managed to hold back my tears. I dun want to cry in front of u and make u worry for me .. I've told u wat i needed to tell u at the cemetery.. hope u can hear wat i've said.. i thought that the people won't put up the grasses so early.. to my surprise when i reached there, grasses has be planted already.. Ur god sister is on her way there with her baby girl and hubby to visit u. i guess it's been a long time since u last met her rite? She has asked u before some time back to meet u and me up for steamboat dinner some day, but u r very busy wth ur work schedule. Therefore we didn't get the chance to meet for dinner..
I'm now looking at the sms u've sent to me last year on 19 aug 2009 at 6.10pm. Here's wat u text me:
"Lao po lao po my baby darling! Guess what, we are together for 4mth 9 days already.. everyday i sees u with joy and sweetness in my heart, my heart melts like a candy floss when our eyes meet and i juz wanna give u a little peck on ur cheek or lips.. No matter how tired I am, i'm always looking forward to meet you. I just love the way u r, silly silly one..I'm so glad tat i've found u, i promise i will cherish u and treat this relationship right. Lastly, dun be obsess with ur figure, what i need is a gal who loves me and treat me nice.. Juz eat ok and dun starve yourself.. =)Love u!"
this message is so sweet and it really touched me.. No one has ever sent such sweet love notes for me before.. i know u love me .. all these words came the bottom of your heart.. i really hope that i can turn back time and love u more..
Bella is sleeping beside me now.. she is so beautiful.. still remember in the hospital after my delivery when bella is lying in the nursery room with the other babies .. u told me that our baby girl is the most beautiful among all.. Yup i agree with u . Our baby is the most beautiful one in the world. U said that 1 baby bella is not enough, u wanted to have another baby so that Bella won't be lonely. I said i think about it first cos' the feeling of natural birth is really scary and painful. But i guess Bella won't have another brother or sister anymore without u.. how sad...
In april, Before we go for our ultrasound scanning, u told me that u hope to have a baby boy. I told u that i want a baby girl.. I asked u y u wanted a boy, u said that when boys grow up, we dun need to be so worried for them. If we have a baby girl, we will be more worried that they will be cheated by bad guys.. I agree it is true, but if we educate her well and talked to her , it won't happen. We will protect her.. That's what u agree too.. Now, i'll be here to teach her and u must watch over her well in heaven..
August 16 2010 was the worst day of my life.. When i heard the news that u r gone, i really don't believe it. I keep telling myself it's just a dream and i hope i could quickly wake up from this nightmare. I'm a very weak person and broke down easily.. I cannot take it if anything bad happens my love ones.. I depend a lot on u.. I can't make good decisions and always seek ur advise. Everytime when we want to go out, i will always ask u where u want to go and i will go with u.. I really can't live without u. It's very hard for me to accept the truth. Till now, i still can't..