monday blues

Dear lao gong

It's monday, u always hate monday cos' it's starting of the work week .. it's been 2 weeks since u left us .. this week should be a relaxing work week for u cos' YOG has ended.. I'm sure u will take time off to spend time with us cos' it's been 2 long months of hard work doing the YOG stuff.. I know u feel very exhausted and totally drained off from work cos' due to ur busy schedules, u r not able to sleep and eat properly.. Its been really long since we last have a romantic dinner and watch a movie together.. In the past, we will often go for movies and good food.. I know i don't have the chance to do that with u anymore. The times we've shared is just too short.. i can only keep these memories in my heart..

Still remember the first time u came to pick me up with ur bike, it was about 3 months ago.. I did told u that i've never sit on a bike before.. I was very excited yet nervous when i sat behind u and i grabbed u so tightly. U asked me to relaxed and just follow ur movement when u turn.. It was a good experience, as i was pregnant, I was only able to sit on ur bike for 3 times cos' ur mum said it's too dangerous as my stomach is getting bigger.. i started to love bike, u said that after my confinement, u will bring me out at night for suppers and just to enjoy the cold wind ..

When u first started riding bike in May , u were so not used to it. i remembered u always complain to me saying that riding a bike was very tiring cos' u were too used to driving a car.. everyday i was worried for u and i felt very heart pain when u suffer on the roads.. i worry that it might rain and worry that the sun is too hot and worry about your safety on the roads.. U said that by the end of the year u will get another smaller car when the COE drops cos' u dun wan me to worry so much for u .. with a car we can bring bella for some outdoor activities,, i can imagine how fun it would be..

Yesterday lots of people came by to visit me ... my singapore pools colleagues and ex colleagues from goldenvillage .. they bought some gifts for Bella .. Bella is really lucky, so many people bought her new clothes.. she now has many pretty clothings to wear.. everyone said that she is very cute, i believe that she will grow up to be a pretty lady .. Like u always said, our baby is the cutest.. my frens keep me company for the whole day .. really nice of them to spend the sunday with me..  thank you everyone!

My buddy, Henry, has hired a malay lady to do massage for me... he said that this will be a belated birthday gift for me..  it is a 3 day massage, to remove the 'wind' in my body after i give birth.."thank u buddy".. when u were around, i did mention to u before that i wanted to do this massage, so that i can re-gain back my figure faster.. u said ok and asked me to go ahead.. Yesterday is the first session, she came to my house to do the massage for me. She is a very nice lady, her name is Aishah .. I've told her wat happened to u and she felt so sad .. but throughout the massage she kept on comforting me.. she said that all good people will go up to heaven earlier .. this is true, u r indeed a very good man.. She said that ur soul will still be around, coming back to see us cos' u just passed away not long ago.. Aishah asked me not to cry so much too, cos' u wouldn't want to see me so sad.. I know u will feel sad whenever i cry .. but sometimes it's just so difficult to control my tears.. She will pray for u and me..

Last night, i received a facebook message from a pretty lady (a friend that u've made in DXO). She read my blog and felt bad. Cos' previously i've mentioned in my blog that u've sent messages to people in facebook.. She explained to me that after u've gotten her number, u didn't contact her at all..  I admit that i do felt a bit angry for about an hour after i read ur facebook messages with her, but after thinking through, i've decided to forgive u.. i know u r just playful and won't do anything to hurt me, cos' u still love me the most.. She told me that she is now going through a breakup, hope she will get over it soon and will find a better guy. I believe mutual trust is very important in marriage, that is y i dun call u or pester u when u go out with ur friends.. I want u to still enjoy the same freedom as u have before we were married.. I really dun wan to tie u down and make u lose all ur friends after marriage cos' friends are equally important...

I've decided to forgive u..  forgive ur late nights, forgive ur drinking sessions, forgive ur playfulness, forgive u hanging out with friends without informing me, forgive everything that u've done.. Not because u r no longer here with me. I forgive u because i love u.. I know u won't do anything to hurt me.. u just don't want me to be worried for u .. I know u have problems sometimes, but u wouldn't want to share with me, so u will find ur good friends to chat. I don't blame u, cos' i understand that sometimes it is difficult to talk to our love ones when we have problems.. sometimes good friends can provide listening ear and give good advises..

I will pray for u . Pray that u r safe in heaven .. I believe tat u will be up there watching us .. I will take good care of our baby Bella .. she is a gift from heaven.. Vincent Tan Kok Heng, u r the love of my life, no one can ever replace u in my heart, i will keep the love tat u gave me safe in my heart. U will forever be in my heart, till the day i die ..