Day 4 without you

Dear lao gong ,
It's day 4 without you.. it's really hard for me.. time just pass so slowly .. Don't worry, baby bella is fine ..
I can't get to sleep , whenever i close my eyes i will think of you. I can't stop crying. Even though many friends and relatives came to comfort me, it's nothing better than just seeing you. I'm feeling so heartbroken. God is just too unfair to you. Baby bella is just 2 weeks old when you left. I still remember on sunday night we are discussing on how to celebrate bella's full month, where you want to bring me for holiday in december and how to celebrate my birthday on 24 aug.
I really miss you, so badly. We get to see each other almost everyday unless you have duties and need to stay overnight in camp. I'm just not used to not seeing you and hearing from you.
Every morning, i will receive sweet smses from you when u reached office without fail. For the past 3 mornings, i kept looking at my phone.. waiting for your sms to come. I know you will never sent me again .. but i will still wait..
yesterday when i went into our room in hougang, i heart sank. I opened your cupboard and saw many of clothings, i saw our bed, our tv, our table and stuff on the tables. I still can't accept the fact that you are gone. I can still feel your presence around ..
Yesterday evening when i reached back home, aunt prepared dinner for me on the dining table. Usually we will sit down and eat dinner together after you ended work. Sitting alone on the dining table makes me so lonely .. it's so lonely to eat without you. I kept looking at the door waiting for you to come back home for dinner..
I remembered on sunday when you came by to visit bella and I , my aunt made dinner for us. As you are afraid that you might be getting fat, you just took little rice and ate all the lean meat.. After dinner, we took muffins that my brother bought. You said that the muffin are not as good as the ones you've eaten before and you will bring me there to eat the best muffins..
Thinking back on how we knew each other.. we've knew each other through ur facebook friend, christine.. the first time we met in a pub at boatquay we didn't talk. Only after a while we started to drink and play games. After that you brought christine, joanne, bryan and me to a disco. As i knew that christine is kind of interested in you, i didn't talk to u much.. in the disco, we danced and have fun and after that all of us went to your house to stay. In the morning when you sent me home, you've asked me for my number and that's where our journey starts..
I knew you liked drinking and having fun.. so whenever we're free, we will go for drinks and hang out with friends. After i was pregnant, i'm not able to drink with you and have fun, but i still allow you to hang out drinking with friends as long as you sms me when you reach home. The basic trust is always there.. i'm very confident that you will do funny things in clubs and pubs cos' you've always love me ..
During my pregnancy, i knew that i've mood swings. Sometimes treating you very cold and ignoring you. I'm sorry that i did that to you. I know that after a day of hard work you wanted someone to talk to.. but i always gave u cold shoulders.. so sorry lao gong .. but after baby bella is born , u've told me i'm back to normal self .. being very talkative and giving you back the usual attention..
This morning when i looked through your iphone and your facebook, i found out that u've been sending messages to pretty girls on facebook that you've knew in club and another one whom is your long lost friend. You even asked them to meet up for KTV sessions, drinks and swimming .. I was very angry at the point of time . I've trusted you and giving u all the freedom, that's why i did not check your handphone and other things at all.. i'm so angry cos'i've given you my 100% love and trust and yet you do this behind my back.. On monday when i flipped through the letters and your bag in the room, i found 1 kbox receipt that u've went for 1 and a half hour singing session during friday midnight with another person and a debit card bill that u've used in shanghai dolly.. i'm not sure y u didn't inform me that u've been to all these places in july.. But thinking back .. in july i'm very pregnant and our baby girl is coming out soon. I've been giving u cold shoulders due to my mood swing. Maybe you are just in the mood for drinks, singing and dancing that's why u go to these places without telling me cos' u dun wan me to worry. And plus u're very stress at work, so i can understand that you need to go to these places to destress.. i know that u won't do anything to hurt me cos' u love me.
Do you know that yesterday your military burial was really grand.. all the men in your unit, your colleagues, your bosses, your good friends, your family and mine sent you through your last journey.. this is the day i will never forget.
On tues i've read out the letter to you and have given you a final goodbye kiss. I knew you heard it cos' when i read it out, there was a sudden thunderstorm. After i finished reading, the rain stops. I can sense that you are crying out loud.. This letter is buried together with you. These are all the words from the bottom of my heart.
Lao gong .. i really missed u ..