Soul searching..

Dear Lao gong

Sorry that i have not been writing for the last 4 days .. I've been to a place with no internet access .. tat's is why i didn't write to u .. I've been doing some soul searching for the past 4 days and making some plans for our family. I still miss u as much.  I really don't know how to live without u , but i still made it till this day . I'm not sure how to describe my feelings , don't think any words can describe how i feel to live without u ..

I've called mother this morning. Checking how is she. She told me that she resigned from her current company that she has been working with for more than 10 years. She said that her boss is worried that she is unable to cope with the work load as she is old. Her boss has actually hired another person much younger than her to take over her job. I know that she is sad leaving this company as she has worked there for so long , but since her boss already hired another person , she has no choice but to leave. I've asked her to stay home to relax for a while before finding another job. But she said that she needed the cash to pay for her house and her personal expenses. She told me she found 2 part time jobs and on 6 day work week .. so tough on her .. I've asked her to just get 1 part time job, but she said the income is not enough for her to pay all the bills .. I told her i can give her some money every month when i get my pay , but she refused. She said she still can work , if not she will be bored at home .. Sigh .. an old lady at her age should be enjoying life at this point of time. But she still has to go out to work to support herself and the house. It's really tough on her. Mother told me that she will continue to work until the day she can't work anymore. such a sad thing to hear from her..

Today i brought Bella to KK hospital for checkup at 3.40pm. We reached there quite early. While waiting for our turn, i saw 2 things which makes me feels sad .. I saw so many daddys and mummys bringing their precious babies for checkups , daddys helping to carrying mummy's bags and mummys carrying their babies. Suddenly makes me so lonely .. everyone has hubbys to accompany them for checkups, but i bring Bella there alone.. Bella will surely feels sad next time when she grows up. Secondly, i saw some parents bringing their "not very normal" children for checkups .. They have to pay special attention to them and make sure they don't run around ..It's really sad, but at least the children are lucky to have daddys and mummys with them ..

Doctor did a thorough check on Bella. Checking her height, weight, legs, hands, reactions .. she said she is growing just fine.. Bella is getting bigger .. from 4.5kg last month to 5.5kg, length from 53cm to 56cm and head circumference from 37.5cm to 38.5cm .. so happy to see her grow bigger day by day .. I know u will be a happy daddy if u r around. Really hope u can see Bella from up above..

Bella loves to smile .. she has a very pretty smile .. same as daddy .. how i wish u are around to accompany her and play with her . She reacts so well .. she will turn to me whenever i call her and today she tries to hold her neck .. she is so cute, just like daddy ..