How deep is my love?

Dear lao gong

Today marks the 50th day since u were gone . These 50 days are never easy . I hope it's getting better each time .. Mother went to visit you yesterday . I usually will put plastic flowers whenever i visit u each week. Mother called me yesterday to ask who bought fresh flowers for u .. I'm not too sure, i just told her that your friends came by to visit u , therefore the flowers are there..

Hmm.. Mrs Lee Kuan Yew passed away 2 days ago. I was reading up news about Mr and Mrs Lee in the newspaper .. They are indeed a very loving couple, a very good example of husband and wife living together till they both have white hair . U used to hope we can be like them too. Still so loving when I am 80 yrs old and u r 84 years old .. holding each others hands and walk through our last journey of life. U said very few couples can do that and u hope that we can stay this way till the day we leave this world. That is my wish too.. but it's a wish that will never come true.

U always love to take videos of me .. U will use my handphone to take videos whenever i make stupid faces or whenever i talked nonsense .. thinking back, it was fun. I was looking through one of the videos that u took of me .. i can hear ur voice in the video , making fun of me at the back. That was the only way that i can hear u now. In the past, u always love to irritate me , making all the unnecessary noises .. I always scold u for being irritating.. Now i really miss ur voice ... i really wish u could come back to irritate me once more..

I would like to say a big "THANK YOU" to all my families, relatives and friends for giving me the support that I need. Without them, i don't think i can survive till now.. Life is tough .. without u around it will be tougher.. I know i must be strong and i am trying my best .. I know i can't depend on  anyone now. Last time when u r around , i always depend on u , cos' u r my shelter and my shield  . Now, my shield is gone .. i got to do fight this war alone. I'm not sure how long i can go on , i will try , so that if i were to die, i will die of no regrets.

How deep is my love for u ? I am not very sure how to measure that .. All i know is I love u very much . I promise to love u forever , every single day of forever..