A heartache

Dear lao gong

I have a heartache .. which most of the people couldn't understand. Having my most beloved person leaving me forever is the worst nightmare a person can ever had. I never expect this will happen to me. I can never understand why am i the unfortunate person... Or probably the most unfortunate person in the world... How am i supposed to walk to the end of the journey all by myself?

Still remember i told u before that i only wanted to live till 55 years old and i hope i can die at that age?? U always said 55 is not enough and u won't let me leave .. I've always wanted to die young cos' I don't want to live till 70 or 80 years old and be a burden to everybody else in this world. U've told me that if i die at 55 , we will only be married for 28 years , which is not enough for u. U wanted to spend at least 40 years together with me as husband and wife before we leave this world together.. I really feel so touch after hearing this and you've made me change my mind. But since u were gone, I'm at a total loss .. I really hate walking through this journey all alone..

Just reached home from work not long ago.. Worked from 7.30am to 9.30pm today. Felt pretty exhausted. In the past, after my shift, I will always get to see u after work . In some days while u r on duties in camp, I can hear your voice and talk to u after work. Still haven't get used to not seeing and talking to u after work everyday. I really missed u ..

Nearly forgotten to clear off my 6 days of childcare leave as this year is ending soon... Childcare leave cannot be brought forward to the next year. I've given last minute requested from my boss to clear all my childcare leave at the last week of December. Really nice of her to accommodate my last minute request.. felt quite bad to clear leave again after just back from work and man power is really tight...

December is coming.. It's your favourite month of the year as u will be clearing leave .. If u were around, u will surely be so excited as u can clear leave to take care of our baby girl... I still remember that u told me that u are looking forward for december to come .. Last december u have rested for almost the whole month .. Completely out from your stressful work and enjoy spending time with me. I really enjoyed the days where u were free from stress as I always feel so heart pain when u r so stressful with your job everyday.

Tomorrow I will be going to the Subordinate court for your verdict so that your case can be closed. The coroner will be reading out the reports to the judge .. It will be at 11am .. after that i will be going back to work in the afternoon till 9.30pm.. Gonna be a long day for me again ..

Feeling quite tired now .. going to have an early night today as i'm still having cough .. Good night my dear. I miss u so so much.. =(