Family ..

Dear lao gong

Never will I have a happy family with u again ... Cos .. u r no longer around ..

If u are around , i know it will be very tough for us to maintain our marriage , especially after we have kids . It would be a big challenge for us and i can foresee that .. U've told me this before too .. as both of us are very hot tempered person , we will surely have different views and opinions. In the past, i never have confident in marriages as i felt that i am not ready for it . I do not want to rush into marriage and end up in divorce. However, u've assured me that u will be the best husband and daddy in the world. I can tell that u r sincere .. and u've changed .. Mother said that u have changed too .. she felt that it's really a pity that u were gone after u have changed to a better man.

Marriage is easy. As long as a couple is in love and they feel that they are right for each other, marriage is not a problem. However, to maintain a marriage is a very difficult task. I've told u this before. But u said that u will try your very best. Arguments are definitely unavoidable. But u said that it's the way how we handle problems. As long as we sit down calmly after we cool down to have a good discussion , we will always find solutions to problems. I know u r a mentor and a counsellor to the boys in the army . A lot of them looked up to u as a brother .. u will always listen and give good advice to them . U assured me u will do that too , in our marriage. I know u are the right person for me , but God is so cruel to take u away so soon ..

I used to be a positive person and a happy-go-lucky one .. that's why u loved being with me cos' i always make u happy .. Ever since u were gone , i find it so hard to do that anymore. Yup it's true that i still joke and laugh among my friends .. but a part of me always feel so lonely at the end of the day .. I guess i can never truly smile from my heart anymore..

Every sunday when i go over to mother's place with Bella .. she never failed to ask me whether did u go to heaven or u r just a lost soul travelling around .. I really have no idea .. I told her that since everyday she prayed for u and u r a christian , u will definitely go to heaven .. How i really wish that i will know the answer ..

Buddy told me that in the next 2 weeks i will be going back to work .. It will be busy for me as i need to learn driving , take care of Bella and work at the same time . Therefore, i will not have the time to write here so often . He said that i should write twice a week .. just to update what happened during the week. When u r around. we will talk everyday .. whenever i am free or u have break time, u will call me to talk to me and check whether did i have my meals .. sometimes i will complain to u about nasty customers that i've come across.. At night after we finish work, we will have our dinners together and i will give u good massages after a hard days work.. I really wish we could do that again .. but i know , it won't happen again .. i miss u ..