Nothing seems right

Dear lao gong

Sorry for not telling u what's happening around for the past 3 days .. Been so busy with everything and time seems to pass so fast like nobody's business .. These 3 days has not been good for me .. or in fact , it really sucks .. How i wish u were around to give me the support that i really and desperately need now ..

Thursday .. finally managed to meet up with your god sister for lunch in the late afternoon .. Her office is at tanjong pagar area, which is near my branch. Therefore, we decided to meet up in the late afternoon for a quick lunch .. We chatted a lot .. She is really a nice and pretty lady .. She has given me a lot of valuable advices on how to take care of our little girl and plannings for her future ..

After my shift ended at 8pm .. i went down to Jurong west to attend Kenny's wake to pay him his last respect . . I thought i can control my emotions well .. and i kept telling myself not to shed a tear at the wake cos' it's not very nice as his families are around. By crying , i will only make them feel sadder.. When I reached around 9.30pm , the priests are having some praying session.. Therefore, i waited for a while for the session to finish before i can offer jossticks to him and see him for the last time at the coffin .. While waiting, i really couldn't control myself .. i went out of the wake area and cried at a corner .. I really couldn't believe this young man is gone and i can feel how heartbroken his families were .. The praying session finished at 10pm .. i offered joss-sticks , said some things to Kenny .. and then i went to see him at the coffin . I saw Kenny lying there peacefully .. I know all along Kenny was very thin .. However, due to the one month of struggling and fighting for his life , he has become even thinner. He was so bony when he left .. He must have fought very hard ..  Everyone praised him for his braveness to fight . No one blames him for giving up .. as one day , everybody has to leave this world. He has indeed left beautiful footprints in everyone's heart.

Reached home at around midnight after Kenny's wake .. feeling so miserable and sad . Really wished i have your shoulder to cry on and hearing your voice telling me everything will be alright.. I slept at around 2am after settling and packing some stuff at home. Couldn't get to sleep, maybe i was too sad. But after i fell asleep , i dream of u .. I saw ur face . U looked so real . U really gave me the hug which i needed the most and i really tell me not to feel sad. I can still remember the hug .. it was so tight and i really wish u could hug me tight forever and never let me go. After this dream , i woke up , feeling a cold wind passing me by .. all my hair stood up .. really not sure why i suddenly felt so cold and when i looked out of the window, it was not raining. I covered myself with blanket and went back to sleep again. This time, i dreamed of u again. We were in a room , which is sort of like our room .. I saw u busy painting the walls and arranging the stuff in the room .. I walked in and asked u what r u doing .. u told me that it's a surprise for me and asked me to wait outside until u've settled everything .. after waiting for a few moment, u asked me to come into the room .. it was a room that u've decorated for me .. everything were so colourful . And the next moment , i woke up .. I guess u must have felt me feeling so sad and u've came to comfort me. Thank you lao gong, i really feel much better in the morning. I really wish i can dream of u everyday... Though not possible, but i know u will still be there for me when i needed u the most.

On Friday .. it's Bella's immunization appointment at 11.40am at the polyclinic .. As usual , my aunt is always so 'gan cheong' and wanted to go earlier before the appointment time. She was forever rushing me and i'm always the slow tortoise waiting for people to push me from behind. We left the house around 11.15am .. I was carrying Bella so i walked slower than her.. when we just passed our block, aunt missed a step and fell onto the ground. I was too slow react to hold her back. Right side of her face was badly bruised .. there's some blueblacks at her eye area and lower jaw. Luckily she didn't sprain her legs or hands.. A bad start for the day .

Bella  is 6.5kg .. growing fine and healthy , on soy milk now. She is getting used to soy milk .. Her phlegm has reduced quite a lot .. As usual, after the injection, Bella will feel some discomfort. When she reached home, she kept crying non-stop until we carry her .. As i have afternoon shift, i got to rush to work after bringing her home. So aunt has to take care of her alone.. Aunt called me in the evening saying that Bella still keep crying.. I've asked her to measure her temperature and our poor baby has fever.. According to the nurse, usually babies will have fever after injections. Therefore, we have prepared fever medication for her. I was so worried at work and couldn't concentrate properly.. Finished work and quickly rushed back home . When i reached home, Bella was asleep. I measured her temperature every 3 hours and her fever still has not subside. We've bought fever patch from Watson to stick on her forehead to reduce the temperature.. Today , she's better , but stil having on and off fever .. I guess next round of injection i will need to get a off day instead of half day work , just in case Bella feels unwell i can be around to take care of her.

Christmas is coming .. in about 2 weeks time. I'm really NOT looking forward to christmas. Cos' it will be a sad christmas as u will not be around to celebrate with me and Bella .. Nothing seems right for the past few days besides the part that i dreamt of u .. Really hope that things will get better.. Please do watch out for us wherever u r ..